Change IS Good When God's Doing the Changing...

I've been sloughing off on my blogging lately. Sorry, I guess I can get too caught up in other things and end up leaving a lot of things go.

Been thinking a lot about this whole 'disabled' thing. Wow, it really caught me off guard and looking back only a couple years, had anyone told me I'd be disabled now and staying home, I would have told them they were smoking too many of those funny cigarettes.

I've always enjoyed working and most of the time, no matter what job I've had, I pour myself into it and usually overwork myself without even thinking about it. The last few years being employed I complained about the pain pretty often and wondered how I was going to keep up the pace. I was a manager for college rentals and I loved it. But it was a very demanding job. I wasn't the type of manager to just point at the work and send someone else to do it. I worked my tail off whether it was cleaning toilets, doing inspections or signing contracts, I had no problem with any of it and really enjoyed most of it. But the pain was getting to the point where I had no choice but to point at the work and send someone else. The pain meds were being used more and more and finally I just couldn't do it any longer. I gave notice to my boss and thought for sure I'd be back, if not with his company, certainly doing something similar after I had surgery. The docs told me that the recovery time was about a year but I still felt that I'd be right back to work. Of course as usual, I felt that the rules don't apply to me! This job was my life, I was good at it and I didn't know anything else.

I now look back to that time and I certainly didn't see any hints as to what was about to happen. I was scheduled to have an anterior double lumbar fusion to repair 2 disks that were in pretty rough shape. In the end, the surgery was not only a failure but on top of that I found out that the condition of my spine is that of a hunched back little old lady.

But I learned many years ago that when life throws you those dirty curve balls you just get in the game and do the best you can. Although I can't do the things that I use to love to do back then, I'm beginning to adjust to a new lifestyle. My husband and I have been blessed with our land and our farm. That is something that I loved since I was a kid and horses are right on the top of the list of things I adore. When my little minis see me coming they give out a whinny which has become like music to me. Those little guys and I can get a bit crazy out there and I'm sure there are times that the neighbors think that I've totally lost my mind.

My point is that life can be very hard sometimes but we can't just roll over and give up. God is the potter and we are the clay and if possible we need to view change as a good thing. I've had my days of whining, probably more than I should have but that's all part of the transition. It's as if there is a period of mourning that we have to endure after a major change happens. Once we get through that though it does get easier. I believe that God will sometimes shift the playing field, just to get us thinking and realizing just how much we need Him. Or maybe He does it so we can grow in areas that were not possible in the 'other' lifestyle. Either way we have to search ourselves and be open to whatever it is that God wants us to see. We must be willing to allow God the access to our life to change us into what HE wants for us. Being clay, we may get a little crusty and un-pliable and it's at those times that He may have to work us, 'the clay', a tad harder to form us into what He desires us to be. I'm looking forward to the day that He's finished with me though. He's got pretty big fingers and sometimes when He finds a crusty spot in my character He pushes a bit too hard for my liking. But at least He loves me enough to keep on pushing.