Change IS Good When God's Doing the Changing...

I've been sloughing off on my blogging lately. Sorry, I guess I can get too caught up in other things and end up leaving a lot of things go.

Been thinking a lot about this whole 'disabled' thing. Wow, it really caught me off guard and looking back only a couple years, had anyone told me I'd be disabled now and staying home, I would have told them they were smoking too many of those funny cigarettes.

I've always enjoyed working and most of the time, no matter what job I've had, I pour myself into it and usually overwork myself without even thinking about it. The last few years being employed I complained about the pain pretty often and wondered how I was going to keep up the pace. I was a manager for college rentals and I loved it. But it was a very demanding job. I wasn't the type of manager to just point at the work and send someone else to do it. I worked my tail off whether it was cleaning toilets, doing inspections or signing contracts, I had no problem with any of it and really enjoyed most of it. But the pain was getting to the point where I had no choice but to point at the work and send someone else. The pain meds were being used more and more and finally I just couldn't do it any longer. I gave notice to my boss and thought for sure I'd be back, if not with his company, certainly doing something similar after I had surgery. The docs told me that the recovery time was about a year but I still felt that I'd be right back to work. Of course as usual, I felt that the rules don't apply to me! This job was my life, I was good at it and I didn't know anything else.

I now look back to that time and I certainly didn't see any hints as to what was about to happen. I was scheduled to have an anterior double lumbar fusion to repair 2 disks that were in pretty rough shape. In the end, the surgery was not only a failure but on top of that I found out that the condition of my spine is that of a hunched back little old lady.

But I learned many years ago that when life throws you those dirty curve balls you just get in the game and do the best you can. Although I can't do the things that I use to love to do back then, I'm beginning to adjust to a new lifestyle. My husband and I have been blessed with our land and our farm. That is something that I loved since I was a kid and horses are right on the top of the list of things I adore. When my little minis see me coming they give out a whinny which has become like music to me. Those little guys and I can get a bit crazy out there and I'm sure there are times that the neighbors think that I've totally lost my mind.

My point is that life can be very hard sometimes but we can't just roll over and give up. God is the potter and we are the clay and if possible we need to view change as a good thing. I've had my days of whining, probably more than I should have but that's all part of the transition. It's as if there is a period of mourning that we have to endure after a major change happens. Once we get through that though it does get easier. I believe that God will sometimes shift the playing field, just to get us thinking and realizing just how much we need Him. Or maybe He does it so we can grow in areas that were not possible in the 'other' lifestyle. Either way we have to search ourselves and be open to whatever it is that God wants us to see. We must be willing to allow God the access to our life to change us into what HE wants for us. Being clay, we may get a little crusty and un-pliable and it's at those times that He may have to work us, 'the clay', a tad harder to form us into what He desires us to be. I'm looking forward to the day that He's finished with me though. He's got pretty big fingers and sometimes when He finds a crusty spot in my character He pushes a bit too hard for my liking. But at least He loves me enough to keep on pushing.

Cancer Isn't Scary?...WhatEVER!!!

I'd like to introduce to you all, my brother, Al (or as we call him, Butch), and his wife, Jenny. His blog is called "Bridging the Struggle" at http://cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com.

Sounds like a strange title and certainly an attention grabber, huh. And you may beg to differ claiming that cancer IS scary. Let's face it, the last thing people want to hear after seeing a doctor is the big 'C' word. But if you make yourself go beyond the 'what ifs' and view the subject in reality, you'd have to admit that our lives can be over in an instant, whether we are totally healthy or terminally ill. God has the final say on that. It's the journey to that end which establishes those character traits in each of us that makes us who we are.


I've had some interesting conversations with my brother and his wife, who has been battling cancer for many years now, about our days here on earth and our purpose for life. Trying to figure out where God has placed us and for what reasons. In the end, it's always the same answer. We are here because He has chosen us for specific tasks and whether we fight our purpose or go with the flow, we still only have so much time to live.


We are told to make each day count. Many years ago I worked in a secured facility as a jailer. Most of the inmates came from backgrounds that left much to be desired. How does one 'make each day count' when your life is stagnant, stuck in a place where the situation literally dictates how you will live from moment to moment. Do we sit and contemplate how utterly unfair it all is? Do we allow ourselves to become embittered over the fact that as a young person, we had such huge magnificent plans for our life, yet that dream has never unfolded because of circumstances beyond our control. Then there are those that place the blame for their struggles on the past. Usually mom or dad, and then badmouth them for dealing them a bad hand from the start?


We each have a choice about how we view our lives and what we do with the lot that we've been handed. My brother and his wife have been in the middle of some pretty disheartening circumstances for quite some time. If anyone has reason to shake their fist at God, they certainly do. Not that they haven't been there before. Probably many times. Of course each of them will have those days where they feel it's too much to endure and question God why. And even days where they are angry and fed up with the daily struggles, the unfairness of it all.

But let's face it. We live in a broken world and as long as we do we will have our battles to face. Ephesians 6:12 says,

'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly realms.'

If life has dealt us a bad hand, we need to allow God in. He can take what we have and liberate us from the bonds that usually can imprison us if we try to do it our own way without Him. No, according to my brother, the cancer isn't scary and it isn't even important. He and Jenny have struggled with this for too long and I'm quite sure that they just do not want to give the cancer any more of themselves than it's already taken. The road traveled with cancer can be a very rough trying road. But if you allow it to, it can consume your entire world and ultimately get in the way of your walk with God. My heart breaks when I see what Butch and Jenny have to endure and most of the time I feel powerless to do anything to relieve their pain. But I'm thankful that they both have a solid relationship with their Savior.

Since all of us know our days on this earth are numbered, how we leave this earth is not as important as how committed we are to our relationship with our God while we are here. My brother and his wife have placed their struggles as well as their lives in the capable hand or God. Cancer isn't scary to them because they've found the solid foundation in Him.

Give them a visit over on their blog? I feel they are good people. You can find them at:
http://cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com

The Wall of Whine

This blog was created simply to allow a place for me (and you) to express ourselves and yes, to whine.
Actually, my main focus is just to talk about life and the juice that's left over after life's lemons are tossed our way from time to time.

How many times have you heard that wonderful phrase, 'everything happens for a reason'? (which now will be referred to as 'EHFAR') Yeah, Me too, maybe...oh...a million or so, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that this statement is TRUE! I've gone through more tough times in my life than any person should have to at my age and I've found that there usually, and almost always are, puddles of juice left behind, whether the lemon just grazes your head or you get smacked right in the face with it.

Frankly, at the time, when those well meaning people are there trying to console me about whatever situation I'm in, while I'm perched high on my 'Wall of Whine', I'd like to just smack em along side the head and tell them where they can stick their 'EHFAR' But I don't. I let them feel as if they're doing a good job at being helpful.

I mean, there I am, wallowing in what I've always thought was my puddle of despair, wanting the 'well meaning' soul to just let me have my moment to cry, scream or hit something. I don't want to hear about how someday I'll look back and see the good in it.

But then, usually a whisper comes in my mind of a previous time that I was so devastated by a hit from a gigantic lemon. I remember it but the pain has faded just a little or the anger is almost gone. I find that I've really learned something from that particular incident. That puddle of despair that I had been wallowing in was actually a puddle of lemon juice. Lemon juice has healing properties and among other things, aids in helping the digestion system.

So now it all makes sense. Although the lemon itself is pretty sour to taste, just like the lemons that make their appearances in the different scenes of our lives, the juice that's left behind IS something good..something that makes you wonder if the souls that tell you EHFAR, really do know what they're talking about. And although it's a difficult concept to swallow while you're wallowing in the puddle of despair and perched upon your wall of whine, we can almost count on the fact that the puddle will turn into something that we later in life, can use to help process, digest and learn from, for that next lemon that comes our way!