I have to apologize. I haven't been blogging lately and I have no excuse. I just didn't feel that I had much to say. I realize that I may loose many followers that way but when you can't write, or even think for that matter, what are you to do? Several times I came on here but every time I tried to write, I had either nothing to say or too much to say. I don't know if any of you can relate cuz I'm kind of a misfit and do things quite differently than most, or at least I feel that I do.
I don't have a topic today. All I want to do is tell you what happened this morning. I'll throw it out there and see if any of you have any ideas.
Each morning I try to read my Bible. There is no certain order that I do it. Sometimes I'll read something that I'd been hearing about in church or sometimes I'll just open it up and start reading the titles and see if anything looks particularly interesting. Lately I've been reading in 1st Kings. It gets pretty interesting just to see how the Lord intervened back then in some of the battles and how He communicated with His people. I often wonder what it would be like to just hear Him speak, boldly and clearly, without any question about what He wants me to do. It would be so much easier wouldn't it? Especially in situations like what I'm about to tell you about.
I was reading this morning and I was at the top of the page reading about how a prophet came to Ahab, king of Israel and told him that the Lord was going to give into his hands a vast army' "..then you will know that I am the Lord". Well, as I'm reading along, trying to understand and see where this was all going, I saw out of the side of my line of vision or corner of my eye, a line of words down the page that was all highlighted in green. But when I looked down the page at that area, it wasn't highlighted. I felt pretty strange, figured I was imagining it so I then went back up to where I had been and started reading again. And again, out of my direct line of vision, kind of out of the corner of my eye, the same sentence or maybe I should say a couple lines of words, were highlighted in green. This kept happening but each time I'd stop reading and look down the page at the area that had appeared to be highlighted, it wasn't highlighted anymore. Okay, now I'm wondering what is going on. Am I imagining this every time? No, I couldn't be. It was too clear. Well, I'm a firm believer that when we read our Bibles we can't just read one scripture to get the full understanding. We need to at least read what is before and after a particular scripture to get a good understanding of what it is all saying. So instead of stopping what I was reading and going to the area that had appeared to be highlighted, I kept reading on until I got to that area. I don't even want to admit this....but then when I did read the words, they didn't make much sense. I read it again and again and I couldn't figure out what God may be trying to say to me. The scripture is 1st Kings, Chapter 20, verse 23, but the highlighted words started in the middle of the verse, ..."But if we fight them on the plains, surely we will be stronger than they."
I have never had this happen before so I can't figure out what this all means. It happened for a reason so I won't just dismiss it. It has to mean something! I'm not sure how to find out what this is about but I've been seeking God on it since it happened. I read it to my husband and he has no idea either what it can mean.
As I said before I try to read the Bible every day. I feel strongly that if we are to know God's voice we need to know Him first. The only way to do that, that I know of, is to seek Him continuously, read His word and pray for understanding and a closer relationship with Him. That I've done over and over and over and I will continue until He comes because I want nothing more than to be so close to Him that there is no mistaking His voice.
Now,..I'm asking those of you who know the Lord and His word if you would please take a look at this verse and what it is saying before and after this verse to see what you think this could be saying to me. I realize that without knowing me or my life and what is going on with me, it may be difficult to determine this. But, I'm going to ask anyway. Any ideas you may have are welcome and will be considered. I know many of you are very good at interpreting the Bible so I'm praying that I get some good ideas from you. In fact, if you feel that you want to respond in private, feel free to email me about your thoughts on this. My email address is blbrown@ridge-runner.com.
I look forward to hearing any thoughts you may have about this. Thanks and God Bless you all.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
There Are No Forks in God's Road.
Hi ALL!~ That is if I have anyone reading these anymore. I haven't been on much lately and I don't have any excuses either! Imagine that! I guess you could say I've been 'in a rut'. Let your imagination go wild there.
Several things have taken up my time lately. I've been trying to find a hobby, you know, something to eat up the time I waste, to allow God to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Since I was a kid I loved drawing, and I was ok at it, but when life took over I had put that all aside and really haven't visited it much during my busy years of raising kids and working. Because I want God to be the author of all that I do I prayed about it. I really felt led to get back to drawing but I had this great idea to even add to it by getting into wood carving as well. That's something that has always peeked my interest through the years. Isn't it awesome how some of those carvings tend to almost jump out at you and come alive? That's the kind that I want to be able to do.(Ya, don't we all?!)
So I ran with the idea. I researched it, like with everything, until I beat the subject to death. I wrote to a few carvers to get their words of wisdom and even got one that was willing to take me under his wing for awhile. I was so excited to start! Then I went and got myself all the 'beginners' tools and it took me a week just to find the right kind of wood. Thinking I was the smart one I grabbed a piece of red oak that was laying out by the wood stove instead of ensuring that I had something soft to start with. I just figured that once I learned how to carve with that, everything else would be like butter, right? HA.....what a mistake there! All I did was frustrate myself as well as the carver that was TRYING to teach me something. Lesson learned. We are NEVER as smart as our teachers. Next, I needed sharp tools. Since sharp tools are the ideal way to go when your taking delicate cuts out of wood, I needed to learn how to do my own. It took me another week just to get all the materials together for that, plus add a few days of trying my hand at it. It didn't go real smooth. I won't get into the gory details but luckily I still have 10 fingers left. I'm here to tell you, no matter how smart you think you are, it's never as easy as it looks and it's always a good idea to have a First Aid kit handy! So here I sit...I have a teacher, sharp tools, soft wood, and a pattern BUT I'm too frustrated and sore to give it a try! I won't tell that to my teacher though because I'm just too darned embarrassed.
All of this started with me wanting to do whatever God had planned for me. Since I tossed the 'artist' in me aside, I thought maybe God had plans for something in that area long ago but I had taken another path back then. And now when He reminded me of the talent he had given me from the start, I go and take the fork in the road AGAIN!
Isn't that just what we humans do? And we're so good at it too! God picks the plan for us. He steers us down the road we are to take, but we think we're so much smarter so we take another path, add our brilliant ideas and end up with bloody fingers. I won't totally give up on the carving idea but instead of jumping ahead of myself and obviously GOD, I'm thinking I will go dig out that old sketch pad and a pencil or two and see where that takes me. Then .....well, I'm not sure but I'll get back to ya!
Several things have taken up my time lately. I've been trying to find a hobby, you know, something to eat up the time I waste, to allow God to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Since I was a kid I loved drawing, and I was ok at it, but when life took over I had put that all aside and really haven't visited it much during my busy years of raising kids and working. Because I want God to be the author of all that I do I prayed about it. I really felt led to get back to drawing but I had this great idea to even add to it by getting into wood carving as well. That's something that has always peeked my interest through the years. Isn't it awesome how some of those carvings tend to almost jump out at you and come alive? That's the kind that I want to be able to do.(Ya, don't we all?!)
So I ran with the idea. I researched it, like with everything, until I beat the subject to death. I wrote to a few carvers to get their words of wisdom and even got one that was willing to take me under his wing for awhile. I was so excited to start! Then I went and got myself all the 'beginners' tools and it took me a week just to find the right kind of wood. Thinking I was the smart one I grabbed a piece of red oak that was laying out by the wood stove instead of ensuring that I had something soft to start with. I just figured that once I learned how to carve with that, everything else would be like butter, right? HA.....what a mistake there! All I did was frustrate myself as well as the carver that was TRYING to teach me something. Lesson learned. We are NEVER as smart as our teachers. Next, I needed sharp tools. Since sharp tools are the ideal way to go when your taking delicate cuts out of wood, I needed to learn how to do my own. It took me another week just to get all the materials together for that, plus add a few days of trying my hand at it. It didn't go real smooth. I won't get into the gory details but luckily I still have 10 fingers left. I'm here to tell you, no matter how smart you think you are, it's never as easy as it looks and it's always a good idea to have a First Aid kit handy! So here I sit...I have a teacher, sharp tools, soft wood, and a pattern BUT I'm too frustrated and sore to give it a try! I won't tell that to my teacher though because I'm just too darned embarrassed.
All of this started with me wanting to do whatever God had planned for me. Since I tossed the 'artist' in me aside, I thought maybe God had plans for something in that area long ago but I had taken another path back then. And now when He reminded me of the talent he had given me from the start, I go and take the fork in the road AGAIN!
Isn't that just what we humans do? And we're so good at it too! God picks the plan for us. He steers us down the road we are to take, but we think we're so much smarter so we take another path, add our brilliant ideas and end up with bloody fingers. I won't totally give up on the carving idea but instead of jumping ahead of myself and obviously GOD, I'm thinking I will go dig out that old sketch pad and a pencil or two and see where that takes me. Then .....well, I'm not sure but I'll get back to ya!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Withdrawal from Puter 'ING' !?!
My puter is FINALLY back up and running! AGAIN~ with the computer problems! Jee Whizzzzzz, why didn't I become a puter tech? Then I could fix my own as well as others and maybe I'd be vacationing in Hawaii, Jamaica or somewhere warm right now.
So, I don't have a puter working and all of a sudden I get stuff done that's been sitting around my house for months. What does that tell you? It tells me that I spend WAY too much time on this thing. I research stuff almost constantly and love it. Give me a topic and I'll search the entire Internet for any and all information and take a look at all the views of that topic until it's fully dissected. I'm relentless. My hubby said he's never seen anyone read as much as I do. What he doesn't know is that I look at a lot of pictures and watch a lot of videos too, but lets just let him think I'm his studious intellectual little wife, k?
Of late, I've been trying to find a hobby. Yup, here I am in my fifty's and I'm trying to figure out what I like to do. I've always been the type who loves working outside in the midst of nature and playing with our animals so now, since I'm unable to do much of that stuff anymore, I've got to find another hobby,... other than spending all my free time surfing the world on this little machine that sits on my lap like my precious little child. When the power plug broke on the laptop I think I actually went through a withdrawal. It went something like this;
"I want to go see if my kids put any more pictures up on facebook,..OH, I can't!...the laptop"... 1/2 hour or so goes by, "I'd better see what the weather is going to be doing this weekend",..."OH, I can't cuz the laptop isn't working". Not even an hour goes by and I remember that I didn't log in my time for my tiny job. I run to go do that... on the laptop and..."OH! I can't...."
It went like this for days until I FINALLY got it ingrained into my brain that I'm going to have to get these things done the 'old fashioned' way instead of depending on my laptop and the web for EVERYTHING! There are so many people that I probably wouldn't talk to for months or possibly even years if I didn't have the access to the web. But I believe I'm not alone here, am I? One thing that really shows how dependant I am is that now when I go to read my Bible, I also have the laptop beside me because I simply love to research the verses and other peoples perspective on a specific topic, on the Internet.
We certainly do things differently these days. But if it weren't for these little technological wonders, we all would be a little less informed, a little less connected with friends and family and a LOT less able to voice our, sometimes biased, but interesting opinions to so many people at one time.
What would you all be doing right now if you didn't have your computers and the Internet? How would you be using that time? Something to think about.
So, I don't have a puter working and all of a sudden I get stuff done that's been sitting around my house for months. What does that tell you? It tells me that I spend WAY too much time on this thing. I research stuff almost constantly and love it. Give me a topic and I'll search the entire Internet for any and all information and take a look at all the views of that topic until it's fully dissected. I'm relentless. My hubby said he's never seen anyone read as much as I do. What he doesn't know is that I look at a lot of pictures and watch a lot of videos too, but lets just let him think I'm his studious intellectual little wife, k?
Of late, I've been trying to find a hobby. Yup, here I am in my fifty's and I'm trying to figure out what I like to do. I've always been the type who loves working outside in the midst of nature and playing with our animals so now, since I'm unable to do much of that stuff anymore, I've got to find another hobby,... other than spending all my free time surfing the world on this little machine that sits on my lap like my precious little child. When the power plug broke on the laptop I think I actually went through a withdrawal. It went something like this;
"I want to go see if my kids put any more pictures up on facebook,..OH, I can't!...the laptop"... 1/2 hour or so goes by, "I'd better see what the weather is going to be doing this weekend",..."OH, I can't cuz the laptop isn't working". Not even an hour goes by and I remember that I didn't log in my time for my tiny job. I run to go do that... on the laptop and..."OH! I can't...."
It went like this for days until I FINALLY got it ingrained into my brain that I'm going to have to get these things done the 'old fashioned' way instead of depending on my laptop and the web for EVERYTHING! There are so many people that I probably wouldn't talk to for months or possibly even years if I didn't have the access to the web. But I believe I'm not alone here, am I? One thing that really shows how dependant I am is that now when I go to read my Bible, I also have the laptop beside me because I simply love to research the verses and other peoples perspective on a specific topic, on the Internet.
We certainly do things differently these days. But if it weren't for these little technological wonders, we all would be a little less informed, a little less connected with friends and family and a LOT less able to voice our, sometimes biased, but interesting opinions to so many people at one time.
What would you all be doing right now if you didn't have your computers and the Internet? How would you be using that time? Something to think about.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
America, God shed His light on Thee..
I doubt if many people take the time to realize the depth of corruption in our government. Many just trust what the media says and leave it at that. I was somewhat guilty of that too but lately what I've found out scared me enough to start digging. I've been tagging along on a ride for the past 2 months, with a bunch of others who have a passion for patriotism. We are all tired of our U.S.Constitution being walked on and ignored! There is a group of us, which now has grown quite large, literally thousands, that have been working on a project that has taken us a lot of time and effort and pretty much drained us all! Ya see, none of us think that our new president here in the U.S. has been as transparent as he's said he would be. Mr. Obama has failed to allow anyone access to any of his records, whether it's his education, medical or birth records and he's spending THOUSANDS of dollars on lawyers to ensure that no one gets this information.
Now, I don't know about you guys but we feel that for someone who is moving into the highest position known to Americans, keeping this information secret is just too scary. I mean, what the heck could he be trying to hide anyway? I know, I know, many people have said that he at least supplied his birth certificate on FactCheck.org. But what people don't realize is that that site which is supposed to provide us with 'unbiased' facts was created by Annenberg Foundation. Annenbergs chairperson, back in 1995 was none other than Mr. B. H. Obama! That alone raised some eyebrows and ultimately only caused more questions. After more checking, we found out that the birth certificate on the Internet not only is missing a lot of information, but it is nothing like the birth certificates that were issued back in 1961. The border on it is one that Hawaii designed for those made in 2007! Upon further investigating, we then found that Hawaii, where he claims he was born, allows issuance of birth certificates to foreign born children of Hawaii residents with a statement from only one relative, without corroborating evidence! There is much much more information that we've found but I think you all see my point here. In the process of trying to confirm the background of our new president, we only found more questionable issues.
From there we decided to start writing letters to inform those in positions of authority in the government of the information that we found and we wanted our questions answered. You would think that all U.S. citizens would feel that this was important to the security of our the country. That our Constitution requires anyone running for office must prove, without a doubt, that they are a natural born citizen of our United States. By now it was very obvious that Obama could not have the proof of this. We even found a video of his grandmother in Kenya, stating that he was born there!
We thought we'd start with the Attorney General of each state. Of course they would be interested in this information since by now even Obama's supporters were questioning why he was being so secretive. THOUSANDS of people want answers. We wrote TONS of letters expecting answers. The result was unbelievable! If we got responses from them at all, it was statements such as, 'vetting him is not my job'! So we then went to our Congressman, then Senators and finally the Supreme Court Justices. The result, if you can believe it, is NOTHING! Not one person in government positions stood up and required the proof! In addition to these letters, there are, or were, at least 12 lawsuits throughout the country, asking the courts to require Mr. Obama to show his vault copy birth certificate. Literally over 60,000 letters were sent via FedEx to Supreme Court Judges before they were about to hear the cases. So far, NOT ONE of them have taken the step to ensure that Obama is, what the U.S.Constitution requires, a 'Natural born U.S. Citizen'! They refused to take the time to investigate. The responses we did get were, 'that was already proven on the internet' or 'that's not our job' or ' I'm sure he was vetted somewhere along the line'.
I could see if the job we are talking about is a factory worker, a janitor or maybe even an accountant. BUT PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES??? There was even an advertisement made for TV, just informing people of the unanswered questions about B.H. Obama and requesting him to answer. Not one news station that was approached, and there were many, would air it!!!
Now, here we are, a week away from inauguration day. Obama is still paying his lawyers to keep everything sealed up. We still have questions that need answers and it's not just a few people. It is many many thousands of Americans. Every level of government has been approached and no one will address our concerns. Why is it so difficult to get these very important questions answered? What ever happened to the value of our voice in this country? Many people gave their lives for our country's freedom and the integrity of our Constitution and what it stands for and now, today we can't find a Judge who will give us a couple hours of his time in defense of it.
I am VERY disappointed! Obviously the country that I read about when I was a child, doesn't exist anymore. This is America but it's not the same one that is in the books. It's fallen apart. I've seen it happening for many years but I didn't really know how deep the damage went. I guess I expected a lot more out of our elected officials. If I weren't a person of faith, I'd be packing my bags to move to another country. Sounds pretty extreme but the corruption in our government, if not stopped, is something that will eventually destroy us.
However, I have faith in the Throne of God. I'll join with others who cherish the liberties that God gave us and keep voicing my opinions where I can. I won't be a sunshine patriot and stand on the side lines screaming how wrong it is. The letters will continue to be written and calls will be made. Although it looks like a loosing battle now, don't get discouraged because the author of this story says we are victors. It's not the guy sitting in the oval office who has the ultimate authority. That's just an illusion. It's the one sitting on the THRONE that matters. God can be trusted to be our leader, and His secrets will all be revealed very very soon.
If anyone is interested in finding out more, go to http://restoretheconstitutionalrepublic.org/ OR
http://www.americasright.com
Now, I don't know about you guys but we feel that for someone who is moving into the highest position known to Americans, keeping this information secret is just too scary. I mean, what the heck could he be trying to hide anyway? I know, I know, many people have said that he at least supplied his birth certificate on FactCheck.org. But what people don't realize is that that site which is supposed to provide us with 'unbiased' facts was created by Annenberg Foundation. Annenbergs chairperson, back in 1995 was none other than Mr. B. H. Obama! That alone raised some eyebrows and ultimately only caused more questions. After more checking, we found out that the birth certificate on the Internet not only is missing a lot of information, but it is nothing like the birth certificates that were issued back in 1961. The border on it is one that Hawaii designed for those made in 2007! Upon further investigating, we then found that Hawaii, where he claims he was born, allows issuance of birth certificates to foreign born children of Hawaii residents with a statement from only one relative, without corroborating evidence! There is much much more information that we've found but I think you all see my point here. In the process of trying to confirm the background of our new president, we only found more questionable issues.
From there we decided to start writing letters to inform those in positions of authority in the government of the information that we found and we wanted our questions answered. You would think that all U.S. citizens would feel that this was important to the security of our the country. That our Constitution requires anyone running for office must prove, without a doubt, that they are a natural born citizen of our United States. By now it was very obvious that Obama could not have the proof of this. We even found a video of his grandmother in Kenya, stating that he was born there!
We thought we'd start with the Attorney General of each state. Of course they would be interested in this information since by now even Obama's supporters were questioning why he was being so secretive. THOUSANDS of people want answers. We wrote TONS of letters expecting answers. The result was unbelievable! If we got responses from them at all, it was statements such as, 'vetting him is not my job'! So we then went to our Congressman, then Senators and finally the Supreme Court Justices. The result, if you can believe it, is NOTHING! Not one person in government positions stood up and required the proof! In addition to these letters, there are, or were, at least 12 lawsuits throughout the country, asking the courts to require Mr. Obama to show his vault copy birth certificate. Literally over 60,000 letters were sent via FedEx to Supreme Court Judges before they were about to hear the cases. So far, NOT ONE of them have taken the step to ensure that Obama is, what the U.S.Constitution requires, a 'Natural born U.S. Citizen'! They refused to take the time to investigate. The responses we did get were, 'that was already proven on the internet' or 'that's not our job' or ' I'm sure he was vetted somewhere along the line'.
I could see if the job we are talking about is a factory worker, a janitor or maybe even an accountant. BUT PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES??? There was even an advertisement made for TV, just informing people of the unanswered questions about B.H. Obama and requesting him to answer. Not one news station that was approached, and there were many, would air it!!!
Now, here we are, a week away from inauguration day. Obama is still paying his lawyers to keep everything sealed up. We still have questions that need answers and it's not just a few people. It is many many thousands of Americans. Every level of government has been approached and no one will address our concerns. Why is it so difficult to get these very important questions answered? What ever happened to the value of our voice in this country? Many people gave their lives for our country's freedom and the integrity of our Constitution and what it stands for and now, today we can't find a Judge who will give us a couple hours of his time in defense of it.
I am VERY disappointed! Obviously the country that I read about when I was a child, doesn't exist anymore. This is America but it's not the same one that is in the books. It's fallen apart. I've seen it happening for many years but I didn't really know how deep the damage went. I guess I expected a lot more out of our elected officials. If I weren't a person of faith, I'd be packing my bags to move to another country. Sounds pretty extreme but the corruption in our government, if not stopped, is something that will eventually destroy us.
However, I have faith in the Throne of God. I'll join with others who cherish the liberties that God gave us and keep voicing my opinions where I can. I won't be a sunshine patriot and stand on the side lines screaming how wrong it is. The letters will continue to be written and calls will be made. Although it looks like a loosing battle now, don't get discouraged because the author of this story says we are victors. It's not the guy sitting in the oval office who has the ultimate authority. That's just an illusion. It's the one sitting on the THRONE that matters. God can be trusted to be our leader, and His secrets will all be revealed very very soon.
If anyone is interested in finding out more, go to http://restoretheconstitutionalrepublic.org/ OR
http://www.americasright.com
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Repressed Moments In Time
Everyone has memories of times past which we bring forward when something sparks a familiar tone or even an odor can bring us to a place from long ago. We have a tendency to remember the highlights, good or bad, but many of the 'in-between' memories somehow get lost. But somewhere hidden in the back corridors of my thoughts is a room full of unfamiliar memories. I'm not sure where it's been hiding all of this time or how I missed it, but it's there. Part of me wants to leave it there and pretend it doesn't exist but then another part really would like to explore it to see what they are connected to and how or why they are there. That would be a frightening journey though so I'll let God reveal what He wants in His timing.
I became aware of this room several years ago during one of the visits from my son. He was telling me that he was having dreams which ultimately sparked some memories of incidents that happened to him as a child. Horribly abusive incidents that were apparently hidden away some where in his mind but now intruded mercilessly on his everyday thoughts. I listened in unbelief as he told me about them, I searched my thoughts for familiar landmarks and although the time frame was recognizable as well as tiny bits of information, the incidents he told about were all foreign to me. It was like he had segments of his childhood that were separated from what I remember of our life. His life as a child was not at all easy, not like it should have been for a little boy. The verbal abuse that he experienced at the hands of his father was so very unfair and cruel. But what he was describing to me now was so far beyond that.
I had often heard of people who had blocked out painful moments of their past. A friend of mine had found that she had been brutally raped as a child but did not recall it until she was 53 years old! So I was familiar with these types of things but I never thought it would hit so close to home. The things that my son told me of were quite dramatic and painful so it was understandable why he had blocked them out. But I was an adult during the time frame he was remembering so how could I have blocked them as well? I didn't get how I could not know of something so very painful for him and carry on with my life as if everything was ok. It made me sick to my stomach and I wondered what else may have happened. I talked with my other two kids to see if they recalled anything similar happening. To my horror they confirmed everything! Aside from realizing I failed my kids BIG TIME, my mind was swimming with questions. Why had this not been brought up before this? What else is there that 'we' don't remember? What is it going to take to resolve this? What kind of parent retreats during times like these? Wow, what had my kids gone through?
I immediately contacted a friend of mine who is a family counselor. I told him about what my son had discovered, what he had gone through and how I had no recollection of these incidents. He informed me of how this often occurs with children but it happens with adults as well. It appears it is common that if we get ourselves in situations where we feel trapped or overwhelmed with something and this goes on for a long period, we may repress many of those memories. We have a tendency to bury them in a corner of our minds and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Only when our mind is ready, will these moments in time decide to surface.
I had been trapped in a very tough situation during my prior marriage, or at least I believed that back then. I finally managed to get out of it but not before my kids were forced to grow up in some pretty horrific circumstances.
My son continues to wrestle with the incidents that happened in his childhood. If not for the Lord, I feel that he essentially went through those times alone. I have many many regrets and wish I could go back and have do-overs, but I can't. Neither can he. We need to accept that what happened, just happened. All we have to work with is NOW. What we need to do is face the demons from our past. He needs to confront that inner child and tell him that none of it was his fault. That's a difficult task since, as a child, we seldom see the adults in our lives as the ones to blame. Kids usually will blame themselves or other kids. Since the cause of his pain came from the adults in his life, he must take the blame from himself and place it where it belongs. Once that is done the anger will eventually subside but only after facing those demons. From there we both can only hold to the promises of God.
So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust.(NKJV)
Joel 2: 25
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)
At one time or another in each of our lives we will find the need to allow God access to our pain, step out into God's grace and accept His mercy. Realize that we can't stay in our pain if we are to make this life He's given us matter. To stay in our pain would mean that we must re-live it again and again and doing this would make us miserable and make the people closest to us also suffer from our pain. No, we need to allow God access to our mind and our heart so He can repair what the locusts have eaten and replace the empty or painful areas with His love and perfect peace. After we travel those rough roads of life and we somehow survive, we are stronger than the last time. It's then up to us to take what we've learned and use it. We can use it for our own benefit for the next bump in life (you know there will be more) as well as help others who are going through similar painful situations. If you've survived devastating abuse of any kind, just try to let God in. We aren't made to endure it alone. Let Him restore you to who He planned you to be.
God Bless
I became aware of this room several years ago during one of the visits from my son. He was telling me that he was having dreams which ultimately sparked some memories of incidents that happened to him as a child. Horribly abusive incidents that were apparently hidden away some where in his mind but now intruded mercilessly on his everyday thoughts. I listened in unbelief as he told me about them, I searched my thoughts for familiar landmarks and although the time frame was recognizable as well as tiny bits of information, the incidents he told about were all foreign to me. It was like he had segments of his childhood that were separated from what I remember of our life. His life as a child was not at all easy, not like it should have been for a little boy. The verbal abuse that he experienced at the hands of his father was so very unfair and cruel. But what he was describing to me now was so far beyond that.
I had often heard of people who had blocked out painful moments of their past. A friend of mine had found that she had been brutally raped as a child but did not recall it until she was 53 years old! So I was familiar with these types of things but I never thought it would hit so close to home. The things that my son told me of were quite dramatic and painful so it was understandable why he had blocked them out. But I was an adult during the time frame he was remembering so how could I have blocked them as well? I didn't get how I could not know of something so very painful for him and carry on with my life as if everything was ok. It made me sick to my stomach and I wondered what else may have happened. I talked with my other two kids to see if they recalled anything similar happening. To my horror they confirmed everything! Aside from realizing I failed my kids BIG TIME, my mind was swimming with questions. Why had this not been brought up before this? What else is there that 'we' don't remember? What is it going to take to resolve this? What kind of parent retreats during times like these? Wow, what had my kids gone through?
I immediately contacted a friend of mine who is a family counselor. I told him about what my son had discovered, what he had gone through and how I had no recollection of these incidents. He informed me of how this often occurs with children but it happens with adults as well. It appears it is common that if we get ourselves in situations where we feel trapped or overwhelmed with something and this goes on for a long period, we may repress many of those memories. We have a tendency to bury them in a corner of our minds and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Only when our mind is ready, will these moments in time decide to surface.
I had been trapped in a very tough situation during my prior marriage, or at least I believed that back then. I finally managed to get out of it but not before my kids were forced to grow up in some pretty horrific circumstances.
My son continues to wrestle with the incidents that happened in his childhood. If not for the Lord, I feel that he essentially went through those times alone. I have many many regrets and wish I could go back and have do-overs, but I can't. Neither can he. We need to accept that what happened, just happened. All we have to work with is NOW. What we need to do is face the demons from our past. He needs to confront that inner child and tell him that none of it was his fault. That's a difficult task since, as a child, we seldom see the adults in our lives as the ones to blame. Kids usually will blame themselves or other kids. Since the cause of his pain came from the adults in his life, he must take the blame from himself and place it where it belongs. Once that is done the anger will eventually subside but only after facing those demons. From there we both can only hold to the promises of God.
So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust.(NKJV)
Joel 2: 25
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)
At one time or another in each of our lives we will find the need to allow God access to our pain, step out into God's grace and accept His mercy. Realize that we can't stay in our pain if we are to make this life He's given us matter. To stay in our pain would mean that we must re-live it again and again and doing this would make us miserable and make the people closest to us also suffer from our pain. No, we need to allow God access to our mind and our heart so He can repair what the locusts have eaten and replace the empty or painful areas with His love and perfect peace. After we travel those rough roads of life and we somehow survive, we are stronger than the last time. It's then up to us to take what we've learned and use it. We can use it for our own benefit for the next bump in life (you know there will be more) as well as help others who are going through similar painful situations. If you've survived devastating abuse of any kind, just try to let God in. We aren't made to endure it alone. Let Him restore you to who He planned you to be.
God Bless
Sunday, December 21, 2008
It's OUR Turn To Help Our Troops
Today, as usual, I took a peek at my brother's blog. He usually has very interesting information and even though he's living each day under some pretty testing circumstances, he remains upbeat most of the time. But his recent post is quite different as well as disturbing. He is conveying a deep sadness that he is feeling about the soldiers that have been over in Iraq and Afghanistan. After reading his post and then doing some of my own research on the subject, I am not only sad but I'm downright ashamed of our country!
We drive around with bumper stickers that say, 'Support Our Troops', send emails to one another with sobering information and pictures about what they are enduring, and even hold benefits for their families while they're away. Year after stressful year we hear the leaders of our country talk of how these 'brave men and women need our support and prayer'. Meanwhile, our troops have our backs while we daily live our lives bathed in liberty and freedom here in the states. Great right? Well, before we give ourselves an 'atta boy' while we proudly display our American flags, you might want to do a bit of research on what our country is offering these brave men and women who are literally putting their lives on the line for you and me!
After coming home from the Vietnam war it took several years before our soldiers showed signs of mental distress. Yet our soldiers from this war in Iraq and Afghanistan are showing signs of mental illness, depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) before they can even get home. They obviously need medical attention. But for them to get the ball rolling and get any help they may need, they have to first swallow the pride that they've been taught so well to wear, and admit that they are suffering. That alone is hard enough. I mean, imagine the degree of training they need to stand up in the face of the enemy and be prepared to fearlessly give their life for our country. They are your every day Joe and Jane, just like you and me, but they're coming home physically and mentally scarred. Those that have come back with mental disorders from what they've endured don't usually have obvious signs. Unless you're looking for them, to the average person, many symptoms are silent. But underneath the rough and tough exterior they carry such grief and despair that they have difficulty holding it together long enough to get through their own welcome home party. Inside they've changed, dramatically.
Yet, when they do try to get the much needed help, they are made to wait, having to muddle through so much red tape that it is literally months before they see any help. Or, from what I've read, they are not given the proper care because our country is trying to tighten it's belt? What is with that! We shell out millions to get the car industry's butt out of the fire but when the guys and gals that protect all of our butts need help, we can't afford it? Yes, that shames me and should shame the leaders of our country.
In a recent study, officials found that more than ¼ of our soldiers on repeat duty tours were found to exhibit symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems such as PTSD. The study also found that more soldiers were reporting marital difficulties and the suicide rate among troops has increased dramatically. Yet our country will not put into play the needed care and urgency or the red tape is keeping them from it. One article that I recently read at NaturalNews.com made me so shameful that I want to crawl in a hole. Apparently there are so many soldiers with PTSD that the following statement was made at the VA hospital in Texas,
"Given that we are having more and more compensation-seeking veterans, I'd like to suggest that you refrain from giving a diagnosis of PTSD straight out," wrote psychologist Norma J. Perez in an email to the staff of the Olin E. Teague Veterans' Center in Temple, Texas. Saying that Veterans Affairs (VA) staffers "really don't ... have the time to do the extensive testing that should be done to determine PTSD," Perez suggested that they should instead "consider a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder."Veterans diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder receive significantly less in the way of disability and health care benefits than those diagnosed with PTSD. An estimated 300,000 Afghanistan and Iraq war veterans are currently suffering from either PTSD or severe depression, according to the recent report by Rand Corp.
Read the full article here: http://naturalnews.com/023970.html
We drive around with bumper stickers that say, 'Support Our Troops', send emails to one another with sobering information and pictures about what they are enduring, and even hold benefits for their families while they're away. Year after stressful year we hear the leaders of our country talk of how these 'brave men and women need our support and prayer'. Meanwhile, our troops have our backs while we daily live our lives bathed in liberty and freedom here in the states. Great right? Well, before we give ourselves an 'atta boy' while we proudly display our American flags, you might want to do a bit of research on what our country is offering these brave men and women who are literally putting their lives on the line for you and me!
After coming home from the Vietnam war it took several years before our soldiers showed signs of mental distress. Yet our soldiers from this war in Iraq and Afghanistan are showing signs of mental illness, depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) before they can even get home. They obviously need medical attention. But for them to get the ball rolling and get any help they may need, they have to first swallow the pride that they've been taught so well to wear, and admit that they are suffering. That alone is hard enough. I mean, imagine the degree of training they need to stand up in the face of the enemy and be prepared to fearlessly give their life for our country. They are your every day Joe and Jane, just like you and me, but they're coming home physically and mentally scarred. Those that have come back with mental disorders from what they've endured don't usually have obvious signs. Unless you're looking for them, to the average person, many symptoms are silent. But underneath the rough and tough exterior they carry such grief and despair that they have difficulty holding it together long enough to get through their own welcome home party. Inside they've changed, dramatically.
Yet, when they do try to get the much needed help, they are made to wait, having to muddle through so much red tape that it is literally months before they see any help. Or, from what I've read, they are not given the proper care because our country is trying to tighten it's belt? What is with that! We shell out millions to get the car industry's butt out of the fire but when the guys and gals that protect all of our butts need help, we can't afford it? Yes, that shames me and should shame the leaders of our country.
In a recent study, officials found that more than ¼ of our soldiers on repeat duty tours were found to exhibit symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems such as PTSD. The study also found that more soldiers were reporting marital difficulties and the suicide rate among troops has increased dramatically. Yet our country will not put into play the needed care and urgency or the red tape is keeping them from it. One article that I recently read at NaturalNews.com made me so shameful that I want to crawl in a hole. Apparently there are so many soldiers with PTSD that the following statement was made at the VA hospital in Texas,
"Given that we are having more and more compensation-seeking veterans, I'd like to suggest that you refrain from giving a diagnosis of PTSD straight out," wrote psychologist Norma J. Perez in an email to the staff of the Olin E. Teague Veterans' Center in Temple, Texas. Saying that Veterans Affairs (VA) staffers "really don't ... have the time to do the extensive testing that should be done to determine PTSD," Perez suggested that they should instead "consider a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder."Veterans diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder receive significantly less in the way of disability and health care benefits than those diagnosed with PTSD. An estimated 300,000 Afghanistan and Iraq war veterans are currently suffering from either PTSD or severe depression, according to the recent report by Rand Corp.
Read the full article here: http://naturalnews.com/023970.html
I'm angry! Have the leaders of our free country turned their backs on the very people who have ensured that they can enjoy that freedom? If so, how can WE help our soldiers? What can WE do for them that will make a difference? My brother is putting a challenge out there. He has proposed to start a fund to help them but neither he nor I know the first thing about how to do that. Please, if this issue has gripped your heart, take a trip over to my brothers blog. http://www.cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com/ and throw your ideas out there. Especially if any of you know how to initiate something like this, we sure could use your help.
For all who have read this far, apparently this is a subject that has peeked your interest. I ask that you please lift these brave men and women up in prayer. God can do a whole lot for them but He works through His people. Search your heart and see where God leads you. Thank you for caring and for any help you may be able to offer. God's best blessings to you.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Change IS Good When God's Doing the Changing...
I've been sloughing off on my blogging lately. Sorry, I guess I can get too caught up in other things and end up leaving a lot of things go.
Been thinking a lot about this whole 'disabled' thing. Wow, it really caught me off guard and looking back only a couple years, had anyone told me I'd be disabled now and staying home, I would have told them they were smoking too many of those funny cigarettes.
I've always enjoyed working and most of the time, no matter what job I've had, I pour myself into it and usually overwork myself without even thinking about it. The last few years being employed I complained about the pain pretty often and wondered how I was going to keep up the pace. I was a manager for college rentals and I loved it. But it was a very demanding job. I wasn't the type of manager to just point at the work and send someone else to do it. I worked my tail off whether it was cleaning toilets, doing inspections or signing contracts, I had no problem with any of it and really enjoyed most of it. But the pain was getting to the point where I had no choice but to point at the work and send someone else. The pain meds were being used more and more and finally I just couldn't do it any longer. I gave notice to my boss and thought for sure I'd be back, if not with his company, certainly doing something similar after I had surgery. The docs told me that the recovery time was about a year but I still felt that I'd be right back to work. Of course as usual, I felt that the rules don't apply to me! This job was my life, I was good at it and I didn't know anything else.
I now look back to that time and I certainly didn't see any hints as to what was about to happen. I was scheduled to have an anterior double lumbar fusion to repair 2 disks that were in pretty rough shape. In the end, the surgery was not only a failure but on top of that I found out that the condition of my spine is that of a hunched back little old lady.
But I learned many years ago that when life throws you those dirty curve balls you just get in the game and do the best you can. Although I can't do the things that I use to love to do back then, I'm beginning to adjust to a new lifestyle. My husband and I have been blessed with our land and our farm. That is something that I loved since I was a kid and horses are right on the top of the list of things I adore. When my little minis see me coming they give out a whinny which has become like music to me. Those little guys and I can get a bit crazy out there and I'm sure there are times that the neighbors think that I've totally lost my mind.
My point is that life can be very hard sometimes but we can't just roll over and give up. God is the potter and we are the clay and if possible we need to view change as a good thing. I've had my days of whining, probably more than I should have but that's all part of the transition. It's as if there is a period of mourning that we have to endure after a major change happens. Once we get through that though it does get easier. I believe that God will sometimes shift the playing field, just to get us thinking and realizing just how much we need Him. Or maybe He does it so we can grow in areas that were not possible in the 'other' lifestyle. Either way we have to search ourselves and be open to whatever it is that God wants us to see. We must be willing to allow God the access to our life to change us into what HE wants for us. Being clay, we may get a little crusty and un-pliable and it's at those times that He may have to work us, 'the clay', a tad harder to form us into what He desires us to be. I'm looking forward to the day that He's finished with me though. He's got pretty big fingers and sometimes when He finds a crusty spot in my character He pushes a bit too hard for my liking. But at least He loves me enough to keep on pushing.
Been thinking a lot about this whole 'disabled' thing. Wow, it really caught me off guard and looking back only a couple years, had anyone told me I'd be disabled now and staying home, I would have told them they were smoking too many of those funny cigarettes.
I've always enjoyed working and most of the time, no matter what job I've had, I pour myself into it and usually overwork myself without even thinking about it. The last few years being employed I complained about the pain pretty often and wondered how I was going to keep up the pace. I was a manager for college rentals and I loved it. But it was a very demanding job. I wasn't the type of manager to just point at the work and send someone else to do it. I worked my tail off whether it was cleaning toilets, doing inspections or signing contracts, I had no problem with any of it and really enjoyed most of it. But the pain was getting to the point where I had no choice but to point at the work and send someone else. The pain meds were being used more and more and finally I just couldn't do it any longer. I gave notice to my boss and thought for sure I'd be back, if not with his company, certainly doing something similar after I had surgery. The docs told me that the recovery time was about a year but I still felt that I'd be right back to work. Of course as usual, I felt that the rules don't apply to me! This job was my life, I was good at it and I didn't know anything else.
I now look back to that time and I certainly didn't see any hints as to what was about to happen. I was scheduled to have an anterior double lumbar fusion to repair 2 disks that were in pretty rough shape. In the end, the surgery was not only a failure but on top of that I found out that the condition of my spine is that of a hunched back little old lady.
But I learned many years ago that when life throws you those dirty curve balls you just get in the game and do the best you can. Although I can't do the things that I use to love to do back then, I'm beginning to adjust to a new lifestyle. My husband and I have been blessed with our land and our farm. That is something that I loved since I was a kid and horses are right on the top of the list of things I adore. When my little minis see me coming they give out a whinny which has become like music to me. Those little guys and I can get a bit crazy out there and I'm sure there are times that the neighbors think that I've totally lost my mind.
My point is that life can be very hard sometimes but we can't just roll over and give up. God is the potter and we are the clay and if possible we need to view change as a good thing. I've had my days of whining, probably more than I should have but that's all part of the transition. It's as if there is a period of mourning that we have to endure after a major change happens. Once we get through that though it does get easier. I believe that God will sometimes shift the playing field, just to get us thinking and realizing just how much we need Him. Or maybe He does it so we can grow in areas that were not possible in the 'other' lifestyle. Either way we have to search ourselves and be open to whatever it is that God wants us to see. We must be willing to allow God the access to our life to change us into what HE wants for us. Being clay, we may get a little crusty and un-pliable and it's at those times that He may have to work us, 'the clay', a tad harder to form us into what He desires us to be. I'm looking forward to the day that He's finished with me though. He's got pretty big fingers and sometimes when He finds a crusty spot in my character He pushes a bit too hard for my liking. But at least He loves me enough to keep on pushing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
