Read Between The Whines

Something Strange Happened Today...I Welcome Your Input

2009-02-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

I have to apologize. I haven't been blogging lately and I have no excuse. I just didn't feel that I had much to say. I realize that I may loose many followers that way but when you can't write, or even think for that matter, what are you to do? Several times I came on here but every time I tried to write, I had either nothing to say or too much to say. I don't know if any of you can relate cuz I'm kind of a misfit and do things quite differently than most, or at least I feel that I do.

I don't have a topic today. All I want to do is tell you what happened this morning. I'll throw it out there and see if any of you have any ideas.

Each morning I try to read my Bible. There is no certain order that I do it. Sometimes I'll read something that I'd been hearing about in church or sometimes I'll just open it up and start reading the titles and see if anything looks particularly interesting. Lately I've been reading in 1st Kings. It gets pretty interesting just to see how the Lord intervened back then in some of the battles and how He communicated with His people. I often wonder what it would be like to just hear Him speak, boldly and clearly, without any question about what He wants me to do. It would be so much easier wouldn't it? Especially in situations like what I'm about to tell you about.

I was reading this morning and I was at the top of the page reading about how a prophet came to Ahab, king of Israel and told him that the Lord was going to give into his hands a vast army' "..then you will know that I am the Lord". Well, as I'm reading along, trying to understand and see where this was all going, I saw out of the side of my line of vision or corner of my eye, a line of words down the page that was all highlighted in green. But when I looked down the page at that area, it wasn't highlighted. I felt pretty strange, figured I was imagining it so I then went back up to where I had been and started reading again. And again, out of my direct line of vision, kind of out of the corner of my eye, the same sentence or maybe I should say a couple lines of words, were highlighted in green. This kept happening but each time I'd stop reading and look down the page at the area that had appeared to be highlighted, it wasn't highlighted anymore. Okay, now I'm wondering what is going on. Am I imagining this every time? No, I couldn't be. It was too clear. Well, I'm a firm believer that when we read our Bibles we can't just read one scripture to get the full understanding. We need to at least read what is before and after a particular scripture to get a good understanding of what it is all saying. So instead of stopping what I was reading and going to the area that had appeared to be highlighted, I kept reading on until I got to that area. I don't even want to admit this....but then when I did read the words, they didn't make much sense. I read it again and again and I couldn't figure out what God may be trying to say to me. The scripture is 1st Kings, Chapter 20, verse 23, but the highlighted words started in the middle of the verse, ..."But if we fight them on the plains, surely we will be stronger than they."

I have never had this happen before so I can't figure out what this all means. It happened for a reason so I won't just dismiss it. It has to mean something! I'm not sure how to find out what this is about but I've been seeking God on it since it happened. I read it to my husband and he has no idea either what it can mean.

As I said before I try to read the Bible every day. I feel strongly that if we are to know God's voice we need to know Him first. The only way to do that, that I know of, is to seek Him continuously, read His word and pray for understanding and a closer relationship with Him. That I've done over and over and over and I will continue until He comes because I want nothing more than to be so close to Him that there is no mistaking His voice.

Now,..I'm asking those of you who know the Lord and His word if you would please take a look at this verse and what it is saying before and after this verse to see what you think this could be saying to me. I realize that without knowing me or my life and what is going on with me, it may be difficult to determine this. But, I'm going to ask anyway. Any ideas you may have are welcome and will be considered. I know many of you are very good at interpreting the Bible so I'm praying that I get some good ideas from you. In fact, if you feel that you want to respond in private, feel free to email me about your thoughts on this. My email address is blbrown@ridge-runner.com.

I look forward to hearing any thoughts you may have about this. Thanks and God Bless you all.

There Are No Forks in God's Road.

2009-02-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

Hi ALL!~ That is if I have anyone reading these anymore. I haven't been on much lately and I don't have any excuses either! Imagine that! I guess you could say I've been 'in a rut'. Let your imagination go wild there.

Several things have taken up my time lately. I've been trying to find a hobby, you know, something to eat up the time I waste, to allow God to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Since I was a kid I loved drawing, and I was ok at it, but when life took over I had put that all aside and really haven't visited it much during my busy years of raising kids and working. Because I want God to be the author of all that I do I prayed about it. I really felt led to get back to drawing but I had this great idea to even add to it by getting into wood carving as well. That's something that has always peeked my interest through the years. Isn't it awesome how some of those carvings tend to almost jump out at you and come alive? That's the kind that I want to be able to do.(Ya, don't we all?!)

So I ran with the idea. I researched it, like with everything, until I beat the subject to death. I wrote to a few carvers to get their words of wisdom and even got one that was willing to take me under his wing for awhile. I was so excited to start! Then I went and got myself all the 'beginners' tools and it took me a week just to find the right kind of wood. Thinking I was the smart one I grabbed a piece of red oak that was laying out by the wood stove instead of ensuring that I had something soft to start with. I just figured that once I learned how to carve with that, everything else would be like butter, right? HA.....what a mistake there! All I did was frustrate myself as well as the carver that was TRYING to teach me something. Lesson learned. We are NEVER as smart as our teachers. Next, I needed sharp tools. Since sharp tools are the ideal way to go when your taking delicate cuts out of wood, I needed to learn how to do my own. It took me another week just to get all the materials together for that, plus add a few days of trying my hand at it. It didn't go real smooth. I won't get into the gory details but luckily I still have 10 fingers left. I'm here to tell you, no matter how smart you think you are, it's never as easy as it looks and it's always a good idea to have a First Aid kit handy! So here I sit...I have a teacher, sharp tools, soft wood, and a pattern BUT I'm too frustrated and sore to give it a try! I won't tell that to my teacher though because I'm just too darned embarrassed.

All of this started with me wanting to do whatever God had planned for me. Since I tossed the 'artist' in me aside, I thought maybe God had plans for something in that area long ago but I had taken another path back then. And now when He reminded me of the talent he had given me from the start, I go and take the fork in the road AGAIN!

Isn't that just what we humans do? And we're so good at it too! God picks the plan for us. He steers us down the road we are to take, but we think we're so much smarter so we take another path, add our brilliant ideas and end up with bloody fingers. I won't totally give up on the carving idea but instead of jumping ahead of myself and obviously GOD, I'm thinking I will go dig out that old sketch pad and a pencil or two and see where that takes me. Then .....well, I'm not sure but I'll get back to ya!

Withdrawal from Puter 'ING' !?!

2009-01-27T08:12:00.001-08:00

My puter is FINALLY back up and running! AGAIN~ with the computer problems! Jee Whizzzzzz, why didn't I become a puter tech? Then I could fix my own as well as others and maybe I'd be vacationing in Hawaii, Jamaica or somewhere warm right now.

So, I don't have a puter working and all of a sudden I get stuff done that's been sitting around my house for months. What does that tell you? It tells me that I spend WAY too much time on this thing. I research stuff almost constantly and love it. Give me a topic and I'll search the entire Internet for any and all information and take a look at all the views of that topic until it's fully dissected. I'm relentless. My hubby said he's never seen anyone read as much as I do. What he doesn't know is that I look at a lot of pictures and watch a lot of videos too, but lets just let him think I'm his studious intellectual little wife, k?

Of late, I've been trying to find a hobby. Yup, here I am in my fifty's and I'm trying to figure out what I like to do. I've always been the type who loves working outside in the midst of nature and playing with our animals so now, since I'm unable to do much of that stuff anymore, I've got to find another hobby,... other than spending all my free time surfing the world on this little machine that sits on my lap like my precious little child. When the power plug broke on the laptop I think I actually went through a withdrawal. It went something like this;

"I want to go see if my kids put any more pictures up on facebook,..OH, I can't!...the laptop"... 1/2 hour or so goes by, "I'd better see what the weather is going to be doing this weekend",..."OH, I can't cuz the laptop isn't working". Not even an hour goes by and I remember that I didn't log in my time for my tiny job. I run to go do that... on the laptop and..."OH! I can't...."

It went like this for days until I FINALLY got it ingrained into my brain that I'm going to have to get these things done the 'old fashioned' way instead of depending on my laptop and the web for EVERYTHING! There are so many people that I probably wouldn't talk to for months or possibly even years if I didn't have the access to the web. But I believe I'm not alone here, am I? One thing that really shows how dependant I am is that now when I go to read my Bible, I also have the laptop beside me because I simply love to research the verses and other peoples perspective on a specific topic, on the Internet.

We certainly do things differently these days. But if it weren't for these little technological wonders, we all would be a little less informed, a little less connected with friends and family and a LOT less able to voice our, sometimes biased, but interesting opinions to so many people at one time.

What would you all be doing right now if you didn't have your computers and the Internet? How would you be using that time? Something to think about.

America, God shed His light on Thee..

2009-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

I doubt if many people take the time to realize the depth of corruption in our government. Many just trust what the media says and leave it at that. I was somewhat guilty of that too but lately what I've found out scared me enough to start digging. I've been tagging along on a ride for the past 2 months, with a bunch of others who have a passion for patriotism. We are all tired of our U.S.Constitution being walked on and ignored! There is a group of us, which now has grown quite large, literally thousands, that have been working on a project that has taken us a lot of time and effort and pretty much drained us all! Ya see, none of us think that our new president here in the U.S. has been as transparent as he's said he would be. Mr. Obama has failed to allow anyone access to any of his records, whether it's his education, medical or birth records and he's spending THOUSANDS of dollars on lawyers to ensure that no one gets this information.

Now, I don't know about you guys but we feel that for someone who is moving into the highest position known to Americans, keeping this information secret is just too scary. I mean, what the heck could he be trying to hide anyway? I know, I know, many people have said that he at least supplied his birth certificate on FactCheck.org. But what people don't realize is that that site which is supposed to provide us with 'unbiased' facts was created by Annenberg Foundation. Annenbergs chairperson, back in 1995 was none other than Mr. B. H. Obama! That alone raised some eyebrows and ultimately only caused more questions. After more checking, we found out that the birth certificate on the Internet not only is missing a lot of information, but it is nothing like the birth certificates that were issued back in 1961. The border on it is one that Hawaii designed for those made in 2007! Upon further investigating, we then found that Hawaii, where he claims he was born, allows issuance of birth certificates to foreign born children of Hawaii residents with a statement from only one relative, without corroborating evidence! There is much much more information that we've found but I think you all see my point here. In the process of trying to confirm the background of our new president, we only found more questionable issues.

From there we decided to start writing letters to inform those in positions of authority in the government of the information that we found and we wanted our questions answered. You would think that all U.S. citizens would feel that this was important to the security of our the country. That our Constitution requires anyone running for office must prove, without a doubt, that they are a natural born citizen of our United States. By now it was very obvious that Obama could not have the proof of this. We even found a video of his grandmother in Kenya, stating that he was born there!

We thought we'd start with the Attorney General of each state. Of course they would be interested in this information since by now even Obama's supporters were questioning why he was being so secretive. THOUSANDS of people want answers. We wrote TONS of letters expecting answers. The result was unbelievable! If we got responses from them at all, it was statements such as, 'vetting him is not my job'! So we then went to our Congressman, then Senators and finally the Supreme Court Justices. The result, if you can believe it, is NOTHING! Not one person in government positions stood up and required the proof! In addition to these letters, there are, or were, at least 12 lawsuits throughout the country, asking the courts to require Mr. Obama to show his vault copy birth certificate. Literally over 60,000 letters were sent via FedEx to Supreme Court Judges before they were about to hear the cases. So far, NOT ONE of them have taken the step to ensure that Obama is, what the U.S.Constitution requires, a 'Natural born U.S. Citizen'! They refused to take the time to investigate. The responses we did get were, 'that was already proven on the internet' or 'that's not our job' or ' I'm sure he was vetted somewhere along the line'.

I could see if the job we are talking about is a factory worker, a janitor or maybe even an accountant. BUT PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES??? There was even an advertisement made for TV, just informing people of the unanswered questions about B.H. Obama and requesting him to answer. Not one news station that was approached, and there were many, would air it!!!

Now, here we are, a week away from inauguration day. Obama is still paying his lawyers to keep everything sealed up. We still have questions that need answers and it's not just a few people. It is many many thousands of Americans. Every level of government has been approached and no one will address our concerns. Why is it so difficult to get these very important questions answered? What ever happened to the value of our voice in this country? Many people gave their lives for our country's freedom and the integrity of our Constitution and what it stands for and now, today we can't find a Judge who will give us a couple hours of his time in defense of it.

I am VERY disappointed! Obviously the country that I read about when I was a child, doesn't exist anymore. This is America but it's not the same one that is in the books. It's fallen apart. I've seen it happening for many years but I didn't really know how deep the damage went. I guess I expected a lot more out of our elected officials. If I weren't a person of faith, I'd be packing my bags to move to another country. Sounds pretty extreme but the corruption in our government, if not stopped, is something that will eventually destroy us.

However, I have faith in the Throne of God. I'll join with others who cherish the liberties that God gave us and keep voicing my opinions where I can. I won't be a sunshine patriot and stand on the side lines screaming how wrong it is. The letters will continue to be written and calls will be made. Although it looks like a loosing battle now, don't get discouraged because the author of this story says we are victors. It's not the guy sitting in the oval office who has the ultimate authority. That's just an illusion. It's the one sitting on the THRONE that matters. God can be trusted to be our leader, and His secrets will all be revealed very very soon.

If anyone is interested in finding out more, go to http://restoretheconstitutionalrepublic.org/ OR
http://www.americasright.com

Repressed Moments In Time

2008-12-31T17:31:00.000-08:00

Everyone has memories of times past which we bring forward when something sparks a familiar tone or even an odor can bring us to a place from long ago. We have a tendency to remember the highlights, good or bad, but many of the 'in-between' memories somehow get lost. But somewhere hidden in the back corridors of my thoughts is a room full of unfamiliar memories. I'm not sure where it's been hiding all of this time or how I missed it, but it's there. Part of me wants to leave it there and pretend it doesn't exist but then another part really would like to explore it to see what they are connected to and how or why they are there. That would be a frightening journey though so I'll let God reveal what He wants in His timing.

I became aware of this room several years ago during one of the visits from my son. He was telling me that he was having dreams which ultimately sparked some memories of incidents that happened to him as a child. Horribly abusive incidents that were apparently hidden away some where in his mind but now intruded mercilessly on his everyday thoughts. I listened in unbelief as he told me about them, I searched my thoughts for familiar landmarks and although the time frame was recognizable as well as tiny bits of information, the incidents he told about were all foreign to me. It was like he had segments of his childhood that were separated from what I remember of our life. His life as a child was not at all easy, not like it should have been for a little boy. The verbal abuse that he experienced at the hands of his father was so very unfair and cruel. But what he was describing to me now was so far beyond that.

I had often heard of people who had blocked out painful moments of their past. A friend of mine had found that she had been brutally raped as a child but did not recall it until she was 53 years old! So I was familiar with these types of things but I never thought it would hit so close to home. The things that my son told me of were quite dramatic and painful so it was understandable why he had blocked them out. But I was an adult during the time frame he was remembering so how could I have blocked them as well? I didn't get how I could not know of something so very painful for him and carry on with my life as if everything was ok. It made me sick to my stomach and I wondered what else may have happened. I talked with my other two kids to see if they recalled anything similar happening. To my horror they confirmed everything! Aside from realizing I failed my kids BIG TIME, my mind was swimming with questions. Why had this not been brought up before this? What else is there that 'we' don't remember? What is it going to take to resolve this? What kind of parent retreats during times like these? Wow, what had my kids gone through?

I immediately contacted a friend of mine who is a family counselor. I told him about what my son had discovered, what he had gone through and how I had no recollection of these incidents. He informed me of how this often occurs with children but it happens with adults as well. It appears it is common that if we get ourselves in situations where we feel trapped or overwhelmed with something and this goes on for a long period, we may repress many of those memories. We have a tendency to bury them in a corner of our minds and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Only when our mind is ready, will these moments in time decide to surface.

I had been trapped in a very tough situation during my prior marriage, or at least I believed that back then. I finally managed to get out of it but not before my kids were forced to grow up in some pretty horrific circumstances.

My son continues to wrestle with the incidents that happened in his childhood. If not for the Lord, I feel that he essentially went through those times alone. I have many many regrets and wish I could go back and have do-overs, but I can't. Neither can he. We need to accept that what happened, just happened. All we have to work with is NOW. What we need to do is face the demons from our past. He needs to confront that inner child and tell him that none of it was his fault. That's a difficult task since, as a child, we seldom see the adults in our lives as the ones to blame. Kids usually will blame themselves or other kids. Since the cause of his pain came from the adults in his life, he must take the blame from himself and place it where it belongs. Once that is done the anger will eventually subside but only after facing those demons. From there we both can only hold to the promises of God.

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust.(NKJV)
Joel 2: 25

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)

At one time or another in each of our lives we will find the need to allow God access to our pain, step out into God's grace and accept His mercy. Realize that we can't stay in our pain if we are to make this life He's given us matter. To stay in our pain would mean that we must re-live it again and again and doing this would make us miserable and make the people closest to us also suffer from our pain. No, we need to allow God access to our mind and our heart so He can repair what the locusts have eaten and replace the empty or painful areas with His love and perfect peace. After we travel those rough roads of life and we somehow survive, we are stronger than the last time. It's then up to us to take what we've learned and use it. We can use it for our own benefit for the next bump in life (you know there will be more) as well as help others who are going through similar painful situations. If you've survived devastating abuse of any kind, just try to let God in. We aren't made to endure it alone. Let Him restore you to who He planned you to be.
God Bless

It's OUR Turn To Help Our Troops

2008-12-21T17:24:00.000-08:00

Today, as usual, I took a peek at my brother's blog. He usually has very interesting information and even though he's living each day under some pretty testing circumstances, he remains upbeat most of the time. But his recent post is quite different as well as disturbing. He is conveying a deep sadness that he is feeling about the soldiers that have been over in Iraq and Afghanistan. After reading his post and then doing some of my own research on the subject, I am not only sad but I'm downright ashamed of our country!

We drive around with bumper stickers that say, 'Support Our Troops', send emails to one another with sobering information and pictures about what they are enduring, and even hold benefits for their families while they're away. Year after stressful year we hear the leaders of our country talk of how these 'brave men and women need our support and prayer'. Meanwhile, our troops have our backs while we daily live our lives bathed in liberty and freedom here in the states. Great right? Well, before we give ourselves an 'atta boy' while we proudly display our American flags, you might want to do a bit of research on what our country is offering these brave men and women who are literally putting their lives on the line for you and me!

After coming home from the Vietnam war it took several years before our soldiers showed signs of mental distress. Yet our soldiers from this war in Iraq and Afghanistan are showing signs of mental illness, depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) before they can even get home. They obviously need medical attention. But for them to get the ball rolling and get any help they may need, they have to first swallow the pride that they've been taught so well to wear, and admit that they are suffering. That alone is hard enough. I mean, imagine the degree of training they need to stand up in the face of the enemy and be prepared to fearlessly give their life for our country. They are your every day Joe and Jane, just like you and me, but they're coming home physically and mentally scarred. Those that have come back with mental disorders from what they've endured don't usually have obvious signs. Unless you're looking for them, to the average person, many symptoms are silent. But underneath the rough and tough exterior they carry such grief and despair that they have difficulty holding it together long enough to get through their own welcome home party. Inside they've changed, dramatically.

Yet, when they do try to get the much needed help, they are made to wait, having to muddle through so much red tape that it is literally months before they see any help. Or, from what I've read, they are not given the proper care because our country is trying to tighten it's belt? What is with that! We shell out millions to get the car industry's butt out of the fire but when the guys and gals that protect all of our butts need help, we can't afford it? Yes, that shames me and should shame the leaders of our country.

In a recent study, officials found that more than ¼ of our soldiers on repeat duty tours were found to exhibit symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems such as PTSD. The study also found that more soldiers were reporting marital difficulties and the suicide rate among troops has increased dramatically. Yet our country will not put into play the needed care and urgency or the red tape is keeping them from it. One article that I recently read at NaturalNews.com made me so shameful that I want to crawl in a hole. Apparently there are so many soldiers with PTSD that the following statement was made at the VA hospital in Texas,

"Given that we are having more and more compensation-seeking veterans, I'd like to suggest that you refrain from giving a diagnosis of PTSD straight out," wrote psychologist Norma J. Perez in an email to the staff of the Olin E. Teague Veterans' Center in Temple, Texas. Saying that Veterans Affairs (VA) staffers "really don't ... have the time to do the extensive testing that should be done to determine PTSD," Perez suggested that they should instead "consider a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder."Veterans diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder receive significantly less in the way of disability and health care benefits than those diagnosed with PTSD. An estimated 300,000 Afghanistan and Iraq war veterans are currently suffering from either PTSD or severe depression, according to the recent report by Rand Corp.

Read the full article here: http://naturalnews.com/023970.html

I'm angry! Have the leaders of our free country turned their backs on the very people who have ensured that they can enjoy that freedom? If so, how can WE help our soldiers? What can WE do for them that will make a difference? My brother is putting a challenge out there. He has proposed to start a fund to help them but neither he nor I know the first thing about how to do that. Please, if this issue has gripped your heart, take a trip over to my brothers blog. http://www.cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com/ and throw your ideas out there. Especially if any of you know how to initiate something like this, we sure could use your help.

For all who have read this far, apparently this is a subject that has peeked your interest. I ask that you please lift these brave men and women up in prayer. God can do a whole lot for them but He works through His people. Search your heart and see where God leads you. Thank you for caring and for any help you may be able to offer. God's best blessings to you.

Change IS Good When God's Doing the Changing...

2008-12-14T15:57:00.000-08:00

I've been sloughing off on my blogging lately. Sorry, I guess I can get too caught up in other things and end up leaving a lot of things go.

Been thinking a lot about this whole 'disabled' thing. Wow, it really caught me off guard and looking back only a couple years, had anyone told me I'd be disabled now and staying home, I would have told them they were smoking too many of those funny cigarettes.

I've always enjoyed working and most of the time, no matter what job I've had, I pour myself into it and usually overwork myself without even thinking about it. The last few years being employed I complained about the pain pretty often and wondered how I was going to keep up the pace. I was a manager for college rentals and I loved it. But it was a very demanding job. I wasn't the type of manager to just point at the work and send someone else to do it. I worked my tail off whether it was cleaning toilets, doing inspections or signing contracts, I had no problem with any of it and really enjoyed most of it. But the pain was getting to the point where I had no choice but to point at the work and send someone else. The pain meds were being used more and more and finally I just couldn't do it any longer. I gave notice to my boss and thought for sure I'd be back, if not with his company, certainly doing something similar after I had surgery. The docs told me that the recovery time was about a year but I still felt that I'd be right back to work. Of course as usual, I felt that the rules don't apply to me! This job was my life, I was good at it and I didn't know anything else.

I now look back to that time and I certainly didn't see any hints as to what was about to happen. I was scheduled to have an anterior double lumbar fusion to repair 2 disks that were in pretty rough shape. In the end, the surgery was not only a failure but on top of that I found out that the condition of my spine is that of a hunched back little old lady.

But I learned many years ago that when life throws you those dirty curve balls you just get in the game and do the best you can. Although I can't do the things that I use to love to do back then, I'm beginning to adjust to a new lifestyle. My husband and I have been blessed with our land and our farm. That is something that I loved since I was a kid and horses are right on the top of the list of things I adore. When my little minis see me coming they give out a whinny which has become like music to me. Those little guys and I can get a bit crazy out there and I'm sure there are times that the neighbors think that I've totally lost my mind.

My point is that life can be very hard sometimes but we can't just roll over and give up. God is the potter and we are the clay and if possible we need to view change as a good thing. I've had my days of whining, probably more than I should have but that's all part of the transition. It's as if there is a period of mourning that we have to endure after a major change happens. Once we get through that though it does get easier. I believe that God will sometimes shift the playing field, just to get us thinking and realizing just how much we need Him. Or maybe He does it so we can grow in areas that were not possible in the 'other' lifestyle. Either way we have to search ourselves and be open to whatever it is that God wants us to see. We must be willing to allow God the access to our life to change us into what HE wants for us. Being clay, we may get a little crusty and un-pliable and it's at those times that He may have to work us, 'the clay', a tad harder to form us into what He desires us to be. I'm looking forward to the day that He's finished with me though. He's got pretty big fingers and sometimes when He finds a crusty spot in my character He pushes a bit too hard for my liking. But at least He loves me enough to keep on pushing.

Passing along the 'Upside-down Christmas'

2008-12-01T21:13:00.000-08:00

Many years now I've been uncomfortable with how society, including me, has lost the focus of what Christmas is really about. Of course there are the usual stressors like trying to get 'that perfect gift', if there is such a thing. Or making sure that all is even when it comes to giving gifts to the grand kids. Or how about the traffic and long lines in the stores and malls. But no matter which way it goes, it's always wrong. We have lost the real meaning of Christmas for many many years and each year it gets worse. I see so many children and even some adults whose only interest is in getting gifts. Aside from a program at church or once in awhile a meaningful on target movie, the real reason for Christmas has all but disappeared.

I visited a friends blog (Binkee) at http://www.fliploveusa.typepad.com/ . She's passed on a post from another person, Brad, at his blog,
http://soundofasoftbreath.blogspot.com/2008/11/upside-down-christmas.html

It's about rethinking Christmas and it's called 'Upside-down Christmas'.
Please check it out and then pass the idea along. It's way past the time for all of us to get back to the true meaning of Christmas; giving OF ourselves instead of TO ourselves.

One of my most meaningful Christmas' I can remember was when my first born son, Rob, was only a year old. My husband had lost his job and we had literally 3 dollars left to our name. In the garbage next door I saw the branches from what our neighbor had trimmed off of his Christmas tree. I put them in a coffee can full of sand and we decorated it with popcorn and tinfoil. My husband and I took the $3 and went to Woolworth's and got my son a riding toy for $2.89. My son had a gift to open and we were together on Christmas.

Just recently I was talking with my previous husband and we both agreed that that was the one Christmas that we could actually say was our best. Why? I believe it was because we saw the value of our family and the gift of life. The little things in life that we cherish are the things that we need to celebrate.

I wish I were more creative. I'd come up with another way to celebrate Christmas but it would have nothing to do with presents and everything to do with 'presence'.

Thanks to Binkee and Brad for reminding me again what this season is REALLY about.

God Bless us all this Christmas Season!

Addendum to "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...God"

2008-11-22T17:16:00.001-08:00

I just want to add some things and clarify the reasons for my last post.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the numbers of abortions taking place in our world today. I went to Lori Laws blog, Persevere
http://persevere-lori.blogspot.com/ and saw the counter there so I grabbed it to put on my blog. After putting it up and thinking about my own ignorance when I was young, I wondered how many other girls there had to be who were thinking of having an abortion, and like me, didn't have any idea what really happens to their baby during an abortion.

Granted, I was young when I looked into abortion as a way out of a bad situation and therefore I was very ignorant of most things in life. But I think that even if a person is older, if all they know is that having an abortion is just an 'easy fix', how many of them will really look into what it actually is or how it's done? But how many of them, when reading the material like I did back then, would actually go through with it?

I am not proud of what I almost did back then. After my last post some have said that they commend me for being honest. Although I appreciate the compassion and the compliment extended to me, I didn't post about this for that reason. I want nothing for sharing this part of my past and I certainly don't deserve a pat on the back. I thought that if just one person read my post and it made them reconsider getting an abortion, it would be well worth me 'airing my dirty laundry'.

Another reason for posting is that I'm sure there are women out there that have already had abortions and at this very minute are being torn apart by guilt and despair. They need to know that God's peace and forgiveness is always available to them, just for the asking. If any person is to find peace with God, they need to know that He will forgive us for anything, yes, even for killing a child. People need to see God in all of His mercy and love and know that He knows our deepest secrets and is still willing to accept us.

It's no secret that our days are going to be coming to an end very soon. Even non-believers are talking about it. I feel that it's important that we, as Christians, become transparent to the world. Too many unbelievers think that Christians are weak and don't understand them because we're not walking in their shoes. I think it's important for them to see that Christians sin too. We too have wallowed in sin and despair, so deep sometimes that we felt trapped or felt like there was no way out. It's important to know that we all have the option to go to Him with all the muck in our lives. If we do, God will find us and meet us right where we are. He accepts us BEFORE we are sin free and loves us just as if we are pure even though we aren't. That is why we choose the road less traveled, commit our lives to Him and that is why we are so passionate about Our God.

There's not much time to plant the seeds in the world and win souls to Christ. What better way to show the world how awesome God is than to show them the sins that God has already washed away. I personally need to 'shout from the rooftops' the mercy, forgiveness and love that God is all about and these are all available to anyone. All you need to do is ask.

Will you ask Him today?

Before I Formed You In The Womb, I Knew You....GOD

2008-11-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

At age 52 it's interesting to reflect back , look at my life and see the different areas that God stepped in. In my teen years I remember at one time thinking about becoming a veterinarian. I even checked into schools in my area and the closest one was 2 hours north of my home town. I never really got serious about it though because even going to high school was something I tried to get out of every chance I could. In those days, I was what others considered to be a 'rebel'. I skipped school so much that when I finally did show up for class, my teachers asked who I was. Pretty bad, huh?!

I know I put my mother through a lot. She sure didn't deserve the trouble I caused but I was too self centered to put much thought into what I was doing to her or my future. I quit school as soon as I could do it legally and got myself a babysitting job. Although my mom taught us about values and kept us in church the best she could, I rebelled at every attempt she made to keep me on the straight and narrow. If there's ever a time that I wish I could have do-overs, it's then. I really put her through a lot of pain.

As with most rebellious teens, I got into things that I'm not very proud of and had a fair share of close calls with the law. But one thing that happened taught me the meaning of being scared to death. Soon after I had quit school, I found myself facing the fact that I was pregnant. Boy, talk about wrong timing! My dad had been killed when I was only 8 years old so my mother had struggled through many years of trying to raise 5 kids with keeping us fed, clothed and a roof over our heads. Now here I was, giving her problems almost weekly and then I give her the news that I'm pregnant!

Before I told my mom, I thought I'd take my 'problem' to a few close friends and see what they had to say first. We discussed how others handled similar situations and of course the word abortion came into our conversation. It's strange because although it was an option that a few of us had heard about, none of us had really discussed what it was all about but just accepted that it was a way out of a bad situation. I don't know if it was something that I had missed in one of those classes that I skipped but I honestly didn't know anything about what was involved.

The fear that gripped me was something I will never forget. I was only 16 and had my entire life before me and being a mom was not something I was prepared for mentally much less financially. I didn't know what I was going to do. I surely didn't want to put more on my mothers shoulders. She and I had our problems but I had watched her struggle for what seemed like my whole life with finding enough money to supply our family with what we needed. All I could do was find out what options I had. In hindsight, I can look back and clearly see where God was and how He made me the way I am for a reason. I am a researcher. I love to just take a subject, study it and pretty much dissect it until there is not one shred of information that I haven't checked out. To begin researching the abortion option, I planned the next day to make the trip to the library to find out everything that I could.

(WARNING...for those weak at heart, you may want to skip this paragraph)
I still vividly remember that day. Making my way through the halls of the library and finding the area where the books on abortion were, I discreetly picked up a book off the shelf. I didn't take it to a table for fear of running into someone I knew so I just stayed there between the tall shelves. I sat in the window sill next to the books and began flipping through the pages. Stopping on a page with a few pictures in black and white I tried to make out what it was before me. I had to turn the book in different directions because my eyes weren't grasping what I was seeing. I gave up, turned it back upright and then started to read. It didn't take more than one or two sentences before I become horrified and literally could not believe what it was saying. I realized that I was reading about a baby that was in the pictures. This tiny little human being had been sucked from the mothers womb and was in a pool of blood and tiny human pieces. After reading that sentence I again looked at the pictures. This time I was able to see a tiny little foot among other things that were not distinguishable. My face became hot as I felt my gut start to twist and my heart beat rapidly as the realization of what I was looking at and what this book was telling me began to sink in. As the tears began to well up in my eyes I quickly closed the book. I didn't even put the book back but just left it there on the window sill as I ran out of the library.

The rest of the story is simple. I did not get an abortion. It took many years and even more prayers to get to a place where I am able to face the fact that I was this close to killing my son. I thank God that He made my personality the type that investigates things thoroughly. Had I been different, the type of person to just accept what others say, that abortion is an 'answer' to a problem, it's very possible that I may have gone through with it. The guilt is very real even if I didn't actually do it and I can only imagine how much pain there is for those that have done it.

My son, the baby I was blessed with then, is wonderful. He is married to a beautiful and intelligent woman and they've given me 2 precious granddaughters. God had a plan for me and him. He has one for each one of us. When we mess up and turn down the wrong path, He will intervene if we let Him. My prayer is that others that are faced with this 'problem' realize that God does everything for a reason. All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. What I want those in similar situations to understand is this. God knew us before we were even conceived. That means He plans children so who are we to consider other options. The following verse speaks loudly to this!

Jeremiah 1:4-5
The word of the LORD came to me, saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;

This scripture makes it very clear when life begins.

Father, we come to you with broken hearts for all the children that die from abortion. We ask that you cradle them in your mighty arms, hold them close to your heart Lord and bring them home to a place that's safe and secure where they will find your pure unconditional love. We ask that you sustain the mothers of these and all little one's and help them realize your mercy and unconditional love. Guide them to you in their conviction in the midst of their pain and fear. Help them to fall to their knees and humbly seek you for strength and guidance and a new direction. Deliver them Father, to your side where they will find forgiveness, comfort and peace. We ask these things in the powerful and precious name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Cancer Isn't Scary?...WhatEVER!!!

2008-11-09T07:14:00.000-08:00

I'd like to introduce to you all, my brother, Al (or as we call him, Butch), and his wife, Jenny. His blog is called "Bridging the Struggle" at http://cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com.

Sounds like a strange title and certainly an attention grabber, huh. And you may beg to differ claiming that cancer IS scary. Let's face it, the last thing people want to hear after seeing a doctor is the big 'C' word. But if you make yourself go beyond the 'what ifs' and view the subject in reality, you'd have to admit that our lives can be over in an instant, whether we are totally healthy or terminally ill. God has the final say on that. It's the journey to that end which establishes those character traits in each of us that makes us who we are.

I've had some interesting conversations with my brother and his wife, who has been battling cancer for many years now, about our days here on earth and our purpose for life. Trying to figure out where God has placed us and for what reasons. In the end, it's always the same answer. We are here because He has chosen us for specific tasks and whether we fight our purpose or go with the flow, we still only have so much time to live.

We are told to make each day count. Many years ago I worked in a secured facility as a jailer. Most of the inmates came from backgrounds that left much to be desired. How does one 'make each day count' when your life is stagnant, stuck in a place where the situation literally dictates how you will live from moment to moment. Do we sit and contemplate how utterly unfair it all is? Do we allow ourselves to become embittered over the fact that as a young person, we had such huge magnificent plans for our life, yet that dream has never unfolded because of circumstances beyond our control. Then there are those that place the blame for their struggles on the past. Usually mom or dad, and then badmouth them for dealing them a bad hand from the start?

We each have a choice about how we view our lives and what we do with the lot that we've been handed. My brother and his wife have been in the middle of some pretty disheartening circumstances for quite some time. If anyone has reason to shake their fist at God, they certainly do. Not that they haven't been there before. Probably many times. Of course each of them will have those days where they feel it's too much to endure and question God why. And even days where they are angry and fed up with the daily struggles, the unfairness of it all.

But let's face it. We live in a broken world and as long as we do we will have our battles to face. Ephesians 6:12 says,

'For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly realms.'

If life has dealt us a bad hand, we need to allow God in. He can take what we have and liberate us from the bonds that usually can imprison us if we try to do it our own way without Him. No, according to my brother, the cancer isn't scary and it isn't even important. He and Jenny have struggled with this for too long and I'm quite sure that they just do not want to give the cancer any more of themselves than it's already taken. The road traveled with cancer can be a very rough trying road. But if you allow it to, it can consume your entire world and ultimately get in the way of your walk with God. My heart breaks when I see what Butch and Jenny have to endure and most of the time I feel powerless to do anything to relieve their pain. But I'm thankful that they both have a solid relationship with their Savior.

Since all of us know our days on this earth are numbered, how we leave this earth is not as important as how committed we are to our relationship with our God while we are here. My brother and his wife have placed their struggles as well as their lives in the capable hand or God. Cancer isn't scary to them because they've found the solid foundation in Him.

Give them a visit over on their blog? I feel they are good people. You can find them at:
http://cancer-isnt-scary.blogspot.com

Do Not Fear, God IS In Control!!

2008-11-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been around in awhile. I have too many things going on but I won't into that here. This is a place for me to get away from 'all that'.

All I've heard anywhere lately is about the election, the possibilities if Barack Obama is elected, how the end is here and B.O. is the beginning of the end. I have been doing a lot of talking myself. It's the first election that I can remember that there has been so much fear, intimidation, fighting among family, and even talk about arming our homes !

I've found myself watching FOX news more than any time in my life and I don't usually watch the news! Yes, things are getting intense. But what I feel that God is speaking to his people is that we need to stay focused. Lately I've had a song continuously running in my mind...Keep our eyes on Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will look strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace! Do any of you remember that song? I love it and it has many times brought me back to the realization that He's the one that we need to focus on. He is more powerful than any President, group, agency or party.

When I read His word this morning I found something that has always been a comfort. In times like this, we need to be reminded just how big our God is. Isaiah 40:12 & 15

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighted the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? ......V 15, Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weights the islands as though they were fine dust.

I have to refer to these types of scriptures. In fact, depend on them many times when facing problems or, like now, the world is looking so bleak. I think of the safety of my children and grandchildren, my friends and their children or all of those that I love and care about. When my guard is down, I fear for them. I can take care of my relationship with God but I can't for them. I can't be there when the going gets so tough or the stressors are coming from every direction. But I can lift them up to the Lord and remember Isaiah 40:11

He tends His flock like a Shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently leads those that have young.

He has given us the privilege to pray. The knowledge and wisdom to know that He's got it all in control and He loves us enough to include His protective hand over those that are close to our hearts. He's given us all of the tools to fight against the enemy in Ephesians 6:10-18.

As Children of the King, we are favored! Wow, read Isaiah 40:12 & 15 again. Now realize that WE have HIS FAVOR! Yes, I will vote tomorrow but God is the one who is really in control. I kind of like rubbing elbows with the power of God. How about you?

You Ain't Gonna Like Losing!

2008-10-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

This is an email that I received recently. I had another post ready but with all the mess that is going on in our country I thought the timing right for this 'forward'. Judging from the types of emails that are coming in, people are starting to panic. I don't know who wrote this letter below but I believe it's worth putting up on the blog. This is something I feel we really need to think and pray about it.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN:
I know everyone has a different opinion on the war and our current President. But, this article makes a lot of sense, take 2 minutes, read it and give it some thought.
When electing the next President, 'the only decision you have to make is who you want sitting in that seat in the White House when - not if - WHEN we get hit again and millions of American lives are put at risk!' This is from: 'You ain't gonna like losing.'

~~ Author unknown ~~

President Bush did make a bad mistake in the war on terrorism. But the mistake was not in his decision to go to war. Bush's mistake came in his belief that this country is the same one his father fought for in WWII. It is not. Back then, they had just come out of a vicious depression. The country was steeled by the hardship of that depression, but they still believed fervently in this country. They knew that the people had elected their leaders, so it was the people's duty to back those leaders. Therefore, when the war broke out the people came together, rallied behind, and stuck with their leaders, whether they had voted for them or not or whether the war was going badly or not. And war was just as distasteful and the anguish just as great then as it is today. Often there were more casualties in one day in WWII than we have had in the entire war. But that did not matter. The people stuck with the President because it was their patriotic duty. Americans put aside their differences in WWII and worked together to win that war. Everyone from every strata of society, from young to old pitched in.
Small children pulled little wagons around to gather scrap metal for the war effort. Grade school students saved their pennies to buy stamps for war bonds to help the effort. Men who were too old or medically 4F lied about their age or condition trying their best to join the military. Women doubled their work to keep things going at home. Harsh rationing of everything from gasoline to soap, to butter was imposed, yet there was very little complaining. You never heard prominent people on the radio belittling the President.

Interestingly enough in those days there were no fat cat actors and entertainers who ran off to visit and fawn over dictators of hostile countries and complain to them about our President. Instead, they made upbeat films and entertained our troops to help the troops' morale. And a bunch even enlisted. And imagine this: Teachers in schools actually started the day off with a Pledge of Allegiance, and with prayers for our country and our troops!

Back then, no newspaper would have dared point out certain weak spots in our cities where bombs could be set off to cause the maximum damage.
No newspaper would have dared complain about what we were doing to catch spies. A newspaper would have been laughed out of existence if it had complained that German or Japanese soldiers were being 'tortured' by being forced to wear women's underwear, or subjected to interrogation by a woman, or being scared by a dog or did not have air conditioning. There were a lot of things different back then. We were not subjected to, a constant bombardment of pornography, perversion and promiscuity in movies or on radio. We did not have legions of crack heads, dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets.

No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He believed that this was still the country that our fathers fought so dearly to preserve. It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Gomorrah and the land of Oz. We did unite for a short while after 9/11, but our attitude changed when we found out that defending our country would require some sacrifices. We are in great danger. The terrorists are fanatic Muslims. They believe that it is okay, even their duty, to kill anyone who will not convert to Islam. It has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million Muslims are sympathetic to the terrorists cause. . . Hitler and Tojo combined did not have nearly that many potential recruits. So... We either win it - or lose it - and you ain't gonna like losing. America is not at war. The military is at war. America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.
(Remember Obama said in his book 'Audacity of Hope', 'I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction'.....what better place for the Muslims to control our country, than in the office of the President of the United States. If you ever forwarded an e-mail, now is the time to do it!) PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR MILITARY, AND ASK OUR GOD/LORD TO TAKE CARE OF THIS ELECTION!! PRAY ABOUT ALL OF THIS!!

I feel that although it's important to keep informed of the news, I feel that it's also important that we also remember that if we have God, we have something that no one can take away. Read the scripture below but don't just read it, think about it. Realize that we aren't alone in this at all! In Isaiah 43:10 it says:

"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord. "and my servant whom I have chosen. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior.
I have revealed and saved and proclaimed- I, and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses,: declares the Lord, "that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No on can deliver you out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?"

Award for 'Oaks of Righteousness'

2008-10-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was blessed to receive a Butterfly Award from a new friend in Christ, Lori Laws at http://persevere-lori.blogspot.com. What a nice surprise Lori. Thank you!

I am to forward this on to 10 others and then link back to the person that sent it to me. I don't know that many blogs, but here are the some that have touched my life or inspired me in one way or another. I thank each one of you for your uniqueness and your willingness to share.

Tracy@ http://www.tracywriting4him.blogspot.com

Alan Knox@ http://assembling.blogspot.com

Grace @ http://whisperofgrace.blogspot.com

Alexander@ http://alexanderwrites.blogspot.com

Jay@ http://transparentchristianmagazine.com

Chris @ http://thebiblepost.blogspot.com

Mike @ http://mikeratliff.wordpress.com

Myraine@ http://realitiesandrealizations.blogspot.com

(I've never put links in before, so fold your hands and pray these work :)

Although I haven't been blogging very long and still have so much to learn, I've found that there are communities of bloggers out there that are sincere and loving people who care greatly for others. That is a wonderfully refreshing fact and one that surprised me in the first few weeks of my blogging life. In a world that is falling apart around us with crime increasing at rates unheard of before and full of so much selfishness and pride, I'm happy to see that there is constancy in God's people.

I discovered almost immediately that the evidence of God's abiding love is spread into all areas of our lives with the use of the Internet. People want God in their lives. They may not even know it, but our Lord has designed us this way. Although many people may claim that they don't believe in God and even claim they hate Him, they still search for something to fill a void in their lives. This void has the distinct shape of God. Unfortunately as they search they will sometimes try anything to fill that emptiness and may turn to such things as drugs, sex or even cult activities but this fails them as well. If they persist to search and usually if someone is praying for them they may eventually find Him, God, the author of that driving desire to feel complete or whole.

God has strategically placed His people throughout our grand earth. As He puts it,

“They will be called oaks of righteousness,a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” --Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

He describes them as 'Oaks of righteousness', a planting of the Lord! That, to me is a wonderful picture. They are using the gifts that God has given them to glorify Him by helping others and in so doing, 'displaying His splendor'! God uses them with their strengths and weaknesses, just the way they are. Some have or still are going through unbelievably painful trials, yet they forge forward with swords, the word of God, in hand, doing the work that they were designed to do. They accept God as He is, powerful, merciful and the author and finisher of all things. They are a friend of God.

They have become useful servants, willing to plant the seeds of God's truth, to water those seeds or pray for other saplings who can also begin to grow in the Lord. The new saplings can then go on to be a useful weapon in God's army, and in doing so the circle of life in Christ begins again.

I've been blessed to meet a few of these 'Oaks of Righteousness' right out here on the internet! Earnestly giving of themselves and doing an awesome job for the sake of their God. I pass on to them the butterfly award that I've received. The butterfly is a symbol of life. I pray they continue to speak God's truths and go on to inspire others as they have inspired me. I want to also pass on the writings of Ralph I. Tilley as he so accurately describes just what these people mean to me.

Oaks Of Righteousness

In the midst of moral confusion,
Surrounded by darkness and despair,
God has planted His servants,
Who breathe in Heaven’s air.

With roots reaching deeply into God:
His holiness, mercy, truth and love;
Each moment they are nourished
On nutrients from above.

Having weathered many storms and droughts,
More than once appearing far weaker;
What would have killed lesser souls
Only makes these much stronger.

With their arms ever-stretching upward,
And faces gazing into the light;
They taste the dews each morning,
Drinking in the Spirit’s might.

While many others lie on the ground,
Casualties to the flesh and shame;
These stalwarts have stood the test of time,
Protected through Jesus’ name.

They are the Lord’s own chosen planting,
Displaying His splendor all around;
“Oaks of Righteousness,” He says—
May their number, Lord, abound.

Written by Ralph I.Tilley (Life in Spirit Ministries)http://www.lsministries.org/

I pray the Lord continues to bless you all as you continue growing in Him!

A New Thing

2008-10-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

I was given permission to share the below email.
I'd like you all to meet my daughter-in-law. She found the Lord as a young child but lost her footings along the way. Now, as she re-dedicates her life to the Lord, she's discovering just how awesome God is as she submits to Him and takes His hand on this journey. I love how this shows the significant changes that God can do in as little time as a day. The small victories from our God are big enough to carry her, and all of us, through the bad times too.

I have her permission to share, word for word as well as colored text, bolds and font size :), and pray she'll be back again :)

Ok, so I went to "Purpose Driven Life" small group tonight and I had peace of mind and shared and even was able to say something that I thought would rub someone the wrong way and said it anyway because I believed that God wanted me to say it. Praise God!!!!!!! All the Glory to Him, not me. I am so thankful to God for giving me peace. He knew how much suffering I had to go through to bring me to the place where I needed to be, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I believe He knew that the place where I was last week at small group made me scared to share, so I would stay silent, because the words that would have came out of my mouth were my words and not His. I know that there are trials and tribulations to come and it won't be easy and I will struggle again. My marriage and family will struggle. I will always have sin and I have to still live here on earth and be surrounded by worldly things that will tempt me. But I Believe I have God on my side way more than yesterday and last week! It's the Belief in God that is building my faith and trust in Him slowly,..but surely. I need to never forget how good He really is when things are bad. I made myself sing that song "Rejoice in the Lord Always" last night in my pit of despair, doubt and 'why me' Sobfest!! And in return He blessed me. I didn't feel the peace last night, but today He has given me so much peace. He showed His mercy to me today!! Yay!!!!

I talked one on one with a lady afterwards and we had a really good talk about where we are with our relationship with God and the world. She said that she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone there, but felt comfortable talking to me. And I felt the same. She said she is confused, about 3 times in the conversation. I look forward to talking to her again. I think that maybe we can form a friendship and support system. And
maybe i can help her (with God's help of course). She said her life is very busy. She and her husband own 2 business's in town
here. Maybe I can do something for her to give her time to rest
and have a easier opportunity to seek God. Or even maybe that
could be my part-time job here. I don't know. God only knows.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well and I will talk to you soon .
I Love you!!
Jeni

Before I got her email today, I had been reading in Isaiah. What I read rang
out in my mind as I thought of her new life in Christ and the struggles that
she's faced.

Isaiah 43:10

"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have
chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am
he.

Then again in verses 18-19

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new
thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the
desert and streams in the wasteland."

~I praise God for choosing her and doing 'A NEW THING' in her life!~

The Fingerprints of God

2008-10-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm looking back, not that long ago, where I was in the middle of a deep dark depression like I'd never known before. Although friends kept telling me that God was there for me, I couldn't feel Him. What I felt was more like a dense fog dividing us that seemed impossible to penetrate. No matter what I did I just didn't feel that connection that I had known and now hungered for.

My life had taken several very serious jogs, where some had almost put me over the edge. As I dissected the previous weeks,months and even years, detail by detail I couldn't put my finger on anything significant that brought me to this frighteningly lonely place. Although I could credit part of it to my declining health and the fact that I was now 'disabled', I had been dealing with that for awhile now and I didn't think it was the cause of such a debilitating depression. But more importantly, God kept silent. There were so many issues that needed His help and each day of my life was getting so difficult that I just didn't know how much longer we could hang on. I couldn't work anymore so my husband was killing himself working at least 2 jobs and taking on anything else he could fit in to make ends meet. My back surgery had failed miserably and I was getting worse by the day. Our marriage was suffering from the daily arguments about the smallest things and fun and relaxation were just words that were spoken of in the past tense. The problems were consuming us both.

I continued to do what I thought I was supposed to do, pray, read my Bible and sometimes go to church. But God remained silent. Most of my prayers started with 'why'. "Why is this happening", or "Why aren't you there?" repeatedly pleading with God for His help. As Christians we are instructed to be thankful for everything, from our life, our home and family to just little things like having a meal to eat and clean water to drink. I continued to just maintain and even thanked God for all of those little things, just like I was instructed to as a child. But deep down I knew that those words were not coming from my heart. I was angry and frustrated and, yes, I felt sorry for myself. I thought things like, "why can't I have a pity party? I really AM getting dealt a bad hand. I HAVE gone through much more than most people my age! Heck, I have the right to feel this way! My world was crashing in and God is ignoring me!"

All that time, day in and day out I just went through the motions, saying the same stale prayer and waiting for God to fix it all. I wanted my life to be easier, with happy times just once in awhile and couldn't understand why any of this was happening to me, to us.

I had muddled through many years of my life claiming to be a Christian. I'd learned that the Bible is full of God's promises for His children to have healing and prosperity as we walk through life with Him. He says that 'we are the apple of His eye', that 'He'll never leave us or forsake us', and 'He will give us the desires of our heart', and many many more. It's strange because during this time, although my mind was flooded with questions and I was an emotional wreck, ultimately I didn't doubt God and His word. Even though I was unable to understand why, within myself I knew there was a reason that I was going through all of this.

Several years ago I had subscribed to a daily scripture email. As they came in each day, sometimes I read them and sometimes I didn't. When I did it was almost like I tried to get through them as quickly as possible. Almost like I was appeasing myself with what I knew I was supposed to do. But just like my prayers, my heart was not in that either. One day as I was going through the motions of reading the daily scripture I recognized this particular one from when I first came to know the Lord many years ago. My first response was the usual skimming over it and then closed my email to go on to other things. But as I did, the scripture kept running through my mind. It just kept repeating itself over and over until finally I stopped what I was doing and opened the email again. This time the scripture almost jumped off the page. Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I thought, Lord this is a scripture that I've known almost my entire life. How can this be my answer? But then I read it again and this time I really read it. What it's saying is that if we make God the most important part of our lives, He WILL take care of ALL other things.

Yes, I had read this verse many times before, but I never committed to practicing what it says to do. I had accepted Christ but had I made Him first? I guess I had to admit the obvious. I was one of those convenience Christians. You know, the one's that use God when things go bad but other than that, you don't hear much about Him? I knew this fact but never wanted to admit it. I guess I wanted to try the easy road, use Him when I needed Him but I didn't want to commit to reading the Bible and regularly assembling with other Christians to learn about Him. Incidentally, it's not the easy road. It's actually harder but I didn't know that then.

I didn't know what to do first so I started to change the way I prayed. One of the hardest types of prayers to say are honest prayers. This type of prayer is the one where we tell Him our absolute true feelings. To me, that meant admitting to God many things. Admitting that my prayers to Him were not from my heart, that I'd only been 'going through the motions', and then I asked for His forgiveness. When talking honestly to God, we humble ourselves and tell Him how weak we are or that we don't believe in ourselves, if that's the case. We tell Him those things about ourselves that we're not so proud of or things that we wouldn't even say to our spouse or closest friend. It involves speaking to God about things that are difficult to say out loud, even when we're alone. It means digging deep within ourselves and admitting those faults that we try not to think about or speaking those secrets we hope never get spoken. They tend to stumble out of our mouths with hesitation and, if we're doing it right, sometimes even fear. This is a prayer of utter and complete honesty to Your Lord. It makes it easier to do it if we remind ourselves that we're not telling Him anything He doesn't already know but He needs us to trust and obey Him enough to do it.

As I knelt before Him and began to tell him those things that I had hidden deeply in my mind and heart, the tears came. As I opened myself up to Him and spoke the words that I had held back for so long, instead of increased apprehension and dread, what I felt was freedom along with peace like I've never experienced. This only made the way easier and allowed me to continue telling Him everything and needless to say the prayer went on for a very long time. Instead of the usual 'going through the motions' prayer, I spoke from my heart. I admitted to Him how much I wanted and needed His direction, His will and His power to change me into who He wanted me to be.

I'm still me with all of my little idiosyncrasy's, my flaws, my personality quirks and sins. But I want to be putty in His hands so His fingerprints are all over me.

I pour myself into whatever God leads me to do. Of course the problems in life still come but with them comes peace. I know that as long as I make Him first, He will give me everything I need and He has. He has blessed my life in ways I never thought were possible.

Yes, being a Christian does mean committing to make the Lord absolutely first. But with that comes a closeness with the creator of our universe. We put everything into His huge hands so we never have to be afraid or worry because we know that He has a plan for every jog in our life. We are never alone in anything we experience, good or bad. We WILL get through it because whatever 'it' is, it's a part of His master plan. It means that He has His fingerprints all over you and your life. It doesn't get any better than that!

Have the Faith Of A Child

2008-10-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

When I was a child...as with most children, I trusted my parents to provide my needs. All of them. I did not worry if I had clothes to wear but knew where to get them when I needed them. I did not worry about how I was going to eat. I just knew it would be there when I was hungry. When I went to bed at night, I didn't wonder if I had a bed but instead knew my bed was going to be where it always had been. I also knew that I wouldn't have to face harsh weather because I just knew that my parents would ensure that I was protected.

As adults we need these things and usually have to provide for ourselves. Can you imagine what it would be like, as an adult to just know that our needs will be met? We need to do our part of course. But the Bible tells us in the book of Mark, chapter 10 and starting at verse 11,...'Unless you change and become like little children, you cannot enter into the kingdom of God'. It sounds like God wants us to just trust, believe and accept Him like children do with their earthly parents.

As His children, we can trust our heavenly Father to provide all of our needs. In fact, He promises that He will, IF we trust Him. That can be a very hard thing to do because as adults, we have a tendency to look beyond the immediate need and see all the other variables and view life as much more complex. For example, if an adult is in need of comfort and peace about a particular situation, God instructs us to ask Him for it. If we do not remain focused on our prayer and wait for Him to answer, too many times we will allow the 'what ifs' to creep in which will eventually complicate the situation more. Before long we've gotten ourselves worried and stressed out so badly that when that peace comes to us, it is not recognized. It's been drowned out because we've allowed all the other feelings to get in the way. The end result is that we feel that God has not answered our prayer for peace.

I feel that Jesus used the example of children because they don't usually understand the vastness and complexity that looms beyond them. They are incapable of thoughts about the 'what ifs' because their world is so small and simple.

This post comes as a challenge to each of us to do just what Our Father desires and put our trust in Him for all of our needs. Yes it will be difficult at first. But as God steps in and demonstrates His unfailing love by doing just what He promises, it will get easier. Life gets a lot simpler if we can just rest in Him and know that He is God. Let that thought absorb into your minds and hearts because once it does, SIGH, there's NO turning back!

Another Chance

2008-09-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

What was I thinking when I gave up my 'kids? They were a huge part of my life and I just gave them up, like they meant nothing to me! You're probably getting ready to throw me to the dogs right about now aren't you? Well, I'm talking about my 3 miniature horses! See, it's not as bad now is it? But it was to me!

Those little guys meant the world to me. Each one had their own unique personality which came along with their own vices. The little colt was a gift from a dear friend and was my first foal I've ever trained, the mare had attitude with a capital 'A' but she was 'my pretty pony' and the gelding was the one I had gotten first so we learned from each other. Together, they fit with the other like an awkward sort of puzzle. They were the perfect little posse.

As much as I loved them, I had found myself in a desperate place, being more limited with my abilities to care for them or spend any quality time so I felt forced to let them go. It's always hard to lose a pet but these were especially difficult for me. My favorite animals are horses and these were a horse , but in a teeny tiny package.

Since they left in the spring of this year I discovered the pasture to be a very empty and sometimes haunting place and even found it difficult to just go out in the yard without breaking down. I kept telling myself that my decision was good for both them and me. They'd get some much deserved attention now and maybe I and my hubby would get more time to ourselves. HA, it didn't happen that way at all. My 'kids' ended up getting separated almost from the start. Although the colt was doing well, I had heard the mare kept getting into trouble and my little chestnut gelding, although he also got in trouble by pushing other horses around, wound up getting very depressed. Yes, animals DO go through depression. I kept up on their progress (or lack of) and missed them more than I ever dreamed I could. Each time I talked with their new owners it would make me miss them more and I wondered if I'd done the right thing.

Do we ever know if we do the 'right' thing? I mean, we can analyze and reason things out but at the end of the day, don't we have to live with the choices we make anyway? Not always. Sometimes God will give us another chance. When that happens we thank Him and hope we learn from the mistakes we've made. In fact, I just left that once lonely pasture and said goodnight to 2 of my 'kids', my pretty pony with the big attitude and the chestnut gelding who is STILL teaching me about myself. They are finally back home where they belong. Oh, and the little colt? He's a very happy little guy in his new home and I'm happy for him. Thank God for another chance for all of us.

The Cold Hard Fact is, I'm a Kindergarter Blogger :(

2008-09-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

I'm so new at this blogging stuff and today I tried for at least a couple hours to just put a link on here. Well, it really wasn't a link, it was a ....well a.......oh never mind! Anyway, as you can see, I was unsuccessful since the only stuff I do have on my blog are posts and widgets. So now what? I didn't really look too hard yet, but I'm hoping I can find a blog that teaches about blogging a b c's OR 1,2, 3's or whatever you want to call a completely green blogger. I do know it can't be blogging 101 because that would only be for those 'freshman' bloggers right? I feel I haven't even reached that level yet. If we look at it relative to school years, I believe that puts me right around the kindergartner level. No, really! When I click on a link that is supposed to show how to do something, I don't understand the blog lingo (or would it be computer lingo?) so then I try to find a link to that link that shows how to understand the 'how to' page!

It looks like it's going to be more like a job to do this blog than a hobby. I see people all over the net doing multiple blogs at a time and I'm having problems just doing 'a' post on one blog. Yup, I'm in blog kindergartner. So, if you 'freshman' bloggers think you want to take a greenie under your wing, here I am. But be prepared because I had to do research just to find out what a widget was.

Urban Development~ Is There A Vaccine Yet?

2008-09-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, there should be because I feel a fever coming on~

My husband and I have been blessed with a farm, high on the bluffs in Minnesota. Great huh! Well, as much as I thank The Author of the beauty that's outside of my windows, unbelievably there is a downside. There is a disease running rampant out there which has reached epidemic proportions. In a word (or 2), it's name is URBAN DEVELOPMENT!

Here we are, 40 acres of absolutely breathtaking views, endless forms of wildlife, fresh air, and sounds of nature and this is just naming a few of the blessings that we enjoy in my back yard. The fall is my favorite time with all the different colors and the crisp air, or maybe it's the spring with the multitude of wild flowers blooming and everything just seems to come alive, awakening from the sleep of winter....OK, I probably will never decide on this because each season brings it's own expression of life and still amazes me that one place can have so many faces. The common thread among them all is that the wildlife remains constant. I'll never grow tired of seeing a herd if deer grazing in our big back yard.

In 1995 we bought the old farm which came with about 40 acres and much needed peace and tranquility. There was about 7 miles between our little piece of paradise and the chaos of the city. Although the size of the city is not one where you'd need the assistance of a map to find the nearest convenience stores, none the less, it is a city and not where we chose to live. But since 1995, without our choosing we've basically 'moved' about 4 miles closer! How does that happen? I thought that you had to actually 'move'..to move. Mixed now in the midst of our 'tranquility', we hear sirens, fireworks, trucks hauling, kids screaming, dogs barking and all the things that come with city life. I'm thinking maybe we can just move our house to the BACK of the 40 acres instead of being on the front where the city is crawling right toward us. But judging from what has already happened as well as what appears to be a world wide epidemic, IF we did that, it's very probable that in another 10 years, another city would be crawling up to our door step on the opposite side.

In every case wouldn't it be highly unlikely or more accurately, almost impossible, to give back to nature what's been selfishly taken? I think this fact is one that warrants at least a fight. OUR wilderness, YOURS and mine, is dwindling quickly. Every day the news brings increasingly more stories of wild animal sightings and attacks in the towns and cities than ever before because their natural habitat is being destroyed. It appears that the majority of people no longer hold valuable the preservation of what was in place before we got here. (To you evolutionists, DON'T argue!...I'm the MOM!..plus, about 60% of the scientists believe it too! But that's an entirely different blog.)

OK, I'll stop the whining for the moment. For me personally, I certainly would give up, in a New York minute (little jab there) the tiny bit of convenience that this 'move' has given me for the way it used to be. Since we can't go back in time, I'm just going to have to vow to fight it when I can. But I swear, when they finally reach the technology where people can actually move to the moon, IF it's anything like our planet use to be, I'll be packing my bags!

A Kiss From God

2008-09-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I was thinking of that idiom that goes, 'you can't judge a book by it's cover'. (Yes, once in awhile, I actually do just think about things like that). I had been talking with a friend when she mentioned how her son was having a lot of problems being teased by other kids in school. She was looking for advice and as we talked I couldn't help but remember my own pain as I was growing up.

I was born with a crossed eye and the other children couldn't get past how I looked. I remember feeling like the cruelty was literally endless. The teasing didn't stop when I got home from school. It happened everywhere I went and even extended into my own family. Although this very much affected my self esteem which I struggled with for too many years, I've ultimately found that it made me who I am today. In fact without it, I may have ended up being a little less forgiving and a lot more judgemental of others. I know you're probably thinking, "whoa, wait a minute! What did she just say?"Well, just hang in there and let me explain.

As with most teens, prior to and into my teenage years, I desperately tried to find my place in the world by trying different paths, both good and bad, and just searching for who I was and where I fit in. But aside from the normal struggles, I just wanted to understand why God made me different. I spent many nights in my room crying and asking Him why but I don't remember ever getting angry with Him.

My father had died when I was 8 and my mother did the best she could to help me just accept it. But she had explained to me that the God that made me, loved me, was with me always and he had a plan for me. Although I questioned all of that, because she was my mom I believed her. I knew she didn't lie and that was huge to me.

Throughout my early teen years I constantly searched for an answer. Then one day I ran onto an article written by a woman and she told how she had been born with a birth mark that stretched across the entire left side of her face. As I read it, I couldn't get over the fact that she came across as so very strong and sure of herself. In a world that puts so much value in appearances, how did SHE overcome the negative attention that this had to have brought to her life? She went on to say that during her childhood years her dad had told her that she too was loved by God and He had a master plan for her. He said that because our Father in heaven has so many children to keep track of, He makes codes for those that He's got special missions for. Her dad told her that God had placed a kiss on her cheek so it would be easier for the angels to find her when He needed her.

Well, it appears that my mom was right! Call me gullible but this story was just what I had been looking for. God knew that and He provided the answer. I no longer questioned why I looked the way I did. Of course people still noticed and I even continued to get teased but it was different now. I felt sorry for all of those kids that didn't have a special kiss from God.

The Wall of Whine

2008-09-14T21:41:00.001-07:00

This blog was created simply to allow a place for me (and you) to express ourselves and yes, to whine.
Actually, my main focus is just to talk about life and the juice that's left over after life's lemons are tossed our way from time to time.

How many times have you heard that wonderful phrase, 'everything happens for a reason'? (which now will be referred to as 'EHFAR') Yeah, Me too, maybe...oh...a million or so, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that this statement is TRUE! I've gone through more tough times in my life than any person should have to at my age and I've found that there usually, and almost always are, puddles of juice left behind, whether the lemon just grazes your head or you get smacked right in the face with it.

Frankly, at the time, when those well meaning people are there trying to console me about whatever situation I'm in, while I'm perched high on my 'Wall of Whine', I'd like to just smack em along side the head and tell them where they can stick their 'EHFAR' But I don't. I let them feel as if they're doing a good job at being helpful.

I mean, there I am, wallowing in what I've always thought was my puddle of despair, wanting the 'well meaning' soul to just let me have my moment to cry, scream or hit something. I don't want to hear about how someday I'll look back and see the good in it.

But then, usually a whisper comes in my mind of a previous time that I was so devastated by a hit from a gigantic lemon. I remember it but the pain has faded just a little or the anger is almost gone. I find that I've really learned something from that particular incident. That puddle of despair that I had been wallowing in was actually a puddle of lemon juice. Lemon juice has healing properties and among other things, aids in helping the digestion system.

So now it all makes sense. Although the lemon itself is pretty sour to taste, just like the lemons that make their appearances in the different scenes of our lives, the juice that's left behind IS something good..something that makes you wonder if the souls that tell you EHFAR, really do know what they're talking about. And although it's a difficult concept to swallow while you're wallowing in the puddle of despair and perched upon your wall of whine, we can almost count on the fact that the puddle will turn into something that we later in life, can use to help process, digest and learn from, for that next lemon that comes our way!